Hottest Jokes Today

I taught my Dog to play the trumpet on the London Underground...

We went from Barking to Tooting in about an hour.

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A black guy goes into a bakery. While he's waiting to get served he hears a voice say "fuck off back to the jungle, Nigger".

He looks down and sees some cakes looking back at him.

"Excuse me", he says to the girl behind the counter, "did you hear what these things just said?"

"Sorry about that. They're Chelsea buns."
BBC News: 'Attractive jihadists can lure UK girls to extremism'

Yes, a scraggly beard on a stinking murderous piece of filth that never washes or cleans his yellow teeth and treats women as a third class citizen - I can see the attraction.
I got really excited when I thought I 'd seen a rare Russian military transport plane while out plane spotting.

Turned out it was just an optical Ilyushin.
I walked into a chemist today and asked, "Can you recommend anything for a really bad upset stomach?"

"Sure." replied the pharmacist, "Try eating some out of date seafood."
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Random 5!

I got stopped by a woman up the high street today who wanted me to do a survey about sex. She said "where's your favourite place to have sex?"

I said "up her arse".

She didn't ask any more questions.
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Hottest Jokes This Week

I taught my Dog to play the trumpet on the London Underground...

We went from Barking to Tooting in about an hour.
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Hottest Jokes This Month

If we manage to convince the Chinese that Jihadists' testicles are aphrodisiacs, within ten years they'll have disappeared...
"There's actually little data to show that Asian children are any smarter than children of other races. It's really just a matter of perception, as I concluded from my research."

Said my Chinese neighbour's three-year-old son.
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Newest Jokes Today

Been listening to 'Dry your eyes mate' all day but now I've put on a Dolly Parton cd...

It's not my favourite but it keeps me off the streets.
Next years ComicCon will be held at the 02 arena. Every character has agreed to attend except they can't find anyone to play the Caped Crusader.
I wonder if Madonna is available.
Danny Dyer.. His name or a description of his acting ?....
Brentford Football Club have announced that manager Mark Warburton will be leaving at the end of the season. If he never gets another job in football then at least he can continue making bread.
News: Bill Gates world's richest person with $79 billion.

Can you imagine having that much money and you still don't have an iPhone?
I was arguing with my wife today. I wanna tell my kid that he is adopted but she insists not to tell.
"Why the hell would you do?!" - she was screaming, - "That's not even true."
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