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Officials have recovered fragments of an attention seeking missile.
I can't believe black people are still being treated like this.
"It's not nice, having someone root around up your bottom, is it?"
"I am," I said, heroically.
I then walked over, lifted up her skirt, and started examining her vagina.
"What the fuck are you doing?" yelled the husband.
"What I do best," I replied. "Gynaecology."
For example, my neighbour Ahmed offered to lend me his rucksack for my journey to CIA headquarters this morning.
As they have no objection to a nigger who lives three and a half thousand miles away.
Religious Education was my suggestion.
"I'm going to wank in to this," says one chef.
"Great idea," says the second.
Before you know it they've all come in her porridge. Then the guards take the bowl to her cell and have a quick wank in it before delivering it to Paris.
Paris looks at the bowl and up at the guards and says "I'm not eating this."
The guard laughs and asks, "Why not?"
Paris replies, "It's got porridge in it."
I was embarrassed but she said, "Don't worry, I'm a professional - I've seen it all before. Just tell me what's wrong and I'll help you in any way I can."
I said, "I think my cock tastes funny..."
I suggest that she rubs Vic on her chest.
"There is no proof of any adverse affects", said one Carrot.
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"Fucking great!" I thought. "First day in here and I'm already married."
If you leave a child in your car during this hot weather please ensure a window is open so they can at least have a fag.
I've been picking bits of cucumber out my arse all morning.
Must be thinking about the flight home already.
Seems a waste of money as most planes don't tend to use them any more...
I only left my 2 year old daughter in one for an afternoon and now I have to pay for a fucking wedding.
You should have seen the look on his face, it was priceless.
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I didn't... I started the wife up like a fucking chainsaw.
Last time I saw a Brazilian facing this many shots, he was jumping a ticket barrier at Stockwell.
By the 1970s he'd moved on to the Under-14 breaststroke.
Oscar Pistorious has a better defence and more shots on target.
"Please, please," he begged, "don't let me drop!"
"Will you eat my bacon sandwich if I pull you up?" I asked,
"Yes! Yes! Of course I will!" he said.
So I let him go. I'm not having a fucking Muslim steal my breakfast.
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the situation between Israel and the Palestinians...
...so I kicked him in the balls
and took his Mars bar.
I managed to kill, 1 wood pigeon, 2 rabbits, 4 pheasants, and half a dozen ramblers.
A black offender will run out of ammo before he manages to hit second time.
You'll leave fingerprints otherwise.
Shortly before landing in New York, she used the intercom to announce to the entire cabin, "Would the lawyer who gave me the crabs in New Orleans, please raise your hand?" Not one hand went up ... so she took them home and ate them.
There are two lessons here:
1. Lawyers aren't as smart as they think they are .
2. Blondes aren't as dumb as most folks think.
They're always up to something.
I'm no gynaecologist love, but I reckon it's your fanny.
None. They will just sit in the dark and demand you accept the light is still on.
Unless you are Palestinian in which case Ramadan is extended for another 3 months when UN shipments of food arrive.
That must have been orville for him
Treating violence towards women with yet more violence is never the answer.
Then smeared peanut butter on my bollocks.
America's National Security Agency just voted up one of my draft jokes.
So I had to collect all the little fuckers up and put them back in their matchbox.
He trapped his cock in his zip.