Hottest Jokes Today

I think it's sad that a general in the army has told the Mail that he is worried what people will think when he comes out as gay.

It should be nobody else's business what he does with his privates.

The World-Famous Sickipedia Newsletter

Want to be kept up to date on the latest jokes, news and the rest of the shit that's happening on Sickipedia?

Join the newsletter now and get it all sent to your inbox!

My wife walked in on me wearing her clothes... Neither of us were that surprised really.

Why wouldn't she be wearing her clothes.
So Prince Charles and David Cameron flew out to Saudi Arabia for the funeral of King Abdullah.

That's all they needed... Chaz and Dave turning up.
A Jewish guy wins the lottery and, when he's being presented with his big cheque by Dale Winton, he suddenly raises one arm straight out and shouts, "Heil Hitler!"
Dale is shocked and says to the guy, "I thought you were Jewish."
The Jew rolls up his sleeve points at his tattoo and replies, "Who d'you think gave me the fucking numbers?"
You know, it's hard to get a job these days when you're an autistic fourteen-year-old with one arm and no eyes and your only hope at a job is slamming on a keyboard and hoping relevant words come out.

Well, today that all changes: I finally got the job as a Daily Mail journalist!
Click Here For More From Today

Random 5!

Click Here For More Random Jokes

Hottest Jokes This Week

My flat mate just said, "Oh that annoying cunt from Coronation Street has died".

47 guesses later I got it right.
TV > Soap
My mum said, "You treat this place like a hotel!"

She will regret that when I give her a low score on TripAdvisor for 'rude staff'.
I've just noticed Casualty is up to series twenty nine and to keep it true to life, some of the patients from series one are just being seen.
TV > Drama
I'm going to set up my own religion, one where its important to respect other peoples beliefs, learn to take criticism on the chin like an adult, wash regularly, treat women and children as equals and never kill anyone under any circumstances.

Its a non-prophet organisation.
Click Here For More From This Week

Hottest Jokes This Month

So Islamist militants have murdered 12 French journalists for publishing cartoons depicting followers of the Prophet Mohammed as bloodthirsty barbarians.

That's like raping 12 kids to prove you're not a paedophile.
I don't think Muslims go far enough in killing people who draw images of the prophet Mohammed.

I think they should kill people who are named after him as well.
All the gym bunnies moaning about the newbies.
Get over yourselves.
You didn't see us moaning when you came to use our pubs in December.
I've just received the class photo from my son's school in East London with over half the faces pixelated.

I think the school is taking this "no images of Mohammed" thing a bit far.
Click Here For More From This Month

Newest Jokes Today

Demis Roussos tragically died of a heart attack today when the Greek Goverment asked him to change his euros back to drachmas.
Pete and Phil, two necrophiliacs, have spent most of the night in a graveyard digging up coffins, but all the bodies they've looked at so far have been too decomposed to be of any use.

Tired and despondent, after they've cracked open the sixth casket of the night to find just rags and bones, Pete turns to Phil and says, "Fancy a breather?"
It's come out recently that the least popular dogs at rehoming shelters are the black ones. People do realise when you say 'Get Down' they don't all start dancing, right?
They start them young now. My 5 year old son's Nigerian classmate came up to me today with a cloakroom ticket. He said he had won a raffle prize but couldn't collect it because he was under 18. He said I could collect the prize for myself if I gave him £5.00 up front for the winning ticket.
Click Here For More From Today