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This bloke knocked on my door this morning and asked if I wanted a window cleaner. I said "Yes but I'd really like them all cleaner".
We keep being told that that it's wonderful to live in such a diverse community.

Well I looked up the definition of diverse, and nowhere does it mention black.
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Random 5!

My son asked me about sex today, so I gave him 'the talk'.

On reflection, he maybe didn't need to know that when you fuck a girl up the arse and finger her at the same time, you can feel your bell end through the skin.
To see if people really react badly to burka wearers, my wife, who is a journalist, decided to wear one for a week, and gauge the reactions.

On the first day, she was spat on, slapped in the face, threatened with death, and yelled at.

And she hasn't even left the house yet.
I was watching a porno and this girl managed to gag on the bloke's cock for up to five minutes at a time. Amazed by such a performance, I tried this with my wife and ended up killing her.

Turns out that I just have a slow internet connection.
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Hottest Jokes This Week

I invited my Muslim neighbours round to sit in the garden for a BBQ.

Half way through, I informed the husband that his wife had been unfaithful to him with lots of men.

She hadn't but I needed the rockery moving.
In an attempt to promote peace the Catholic church and Muslims have agreed to practice each others religions for a month.

Unfortunately it was a failure. The Muslims didn't like sex with the choirboys and the priests didn't like sex with nine year old girls.
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Hottest Jokes This Month

A Muslim walked into my Adult Learning Centre this morning.

"Hello there." I said to him. "You need help with your reading, don't you?"

"Yes, yes I do." He said. "How could you tell?"


"Because the sign on the door says No Pakis."
Now listen carefully Bond...

This may look like a credit card, but in fact this card will unlock the doors of opportunities no matter your skills, anytime you don't get your own way simply show this, we call it the "Race card".
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Newest Jokes Today

Every Mother's Day across the country mom's are presented with cards and gifts brought home from kindergarten. So why is Father's Day purposely held during summer vacation? Because it would be fair to the little black kids when it comes time to fill out the card.
I happened to come across my ex walking this fat ugly dog through the park.
I asked in suspicion, "Taking a stroll with a Hippopotamus, eh?"
"It's a Pit bull, not a hippo, you dimwit!", she retorted.

I smirked, "Didn't ask you."
A local gang-banger was killed and a memorial was put up in his memory. In a related story a local dollar store reported the theft of a large amount of balloons, candles, teddy bears and 40oz. malt liquors.
I'm really excited about my new business venture. It's a restaurant modelled after the classic '50s American 'Diner', spared no expense! It's got big red booths, waitresses on roller-skates, a jukebox, a pinball machine, a ginger ale soda fountain, and a huge menu with 50 different burgers and everything comes with fries.

Once I get the 'Whites Only' sign for the lunch counter we'll be all set!
I remember coming 29th out of 31 in a Maths test at school.

My parents were so pleased when I told them I'd come in the top ten percent
The wife won't be going back to her job at the factory anymore, after I won seven million quid on the lottery at the weekend.


I've just paralysed her in a Ferrari crash.
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