A thickset guy is reading the newspaper, when he sees a weight-loss advert that claims to shed "a pound per $10, just call (202) 555-4874". He figures he'll give it go.
The operator asks: "how much would you like to lose?"
"ten pounds", the man replies.
"a representative will be there next morning", says the operator.
Sure enough, the next morning at 7AM, there's a ring at the doorbell. The man opens the door, to find a reasonably good-looking girl, stark-naked, save the sign around her neck, reading "If you catch me, you can have me."
The fat guy chases her all over the house until he catches her and, sure enough, has his way with her. Dragging himself puffing and wheezing to the bathroom scales, he's overjoyed to find that he's dropped 10 pounds!
"This is awesome", he thinks to himself. "I'll give them another call!"
The same night he gives them a call and says he'd like to lose 20 pounds.
"we'll send another representative", the operator says.
The next morning, at 7AM, the man answers the door to find an achingly good-looking girl, naked except for a pair of running shoes and a sign around her neck stating "If you catch me, you can have me."
The man eagerly chases the girl. It takes him a good deal longer to catch her this time, and after they have sex, he consults the scales. And sure enough, he's lost 20 pounds!
That night he calls once more, and exclaims "I want to lose 50 pounds!"
"50? isn't that a bit excessive?", the operator inquires.
"look, I'm a paying customer, just do it", the man responds impatiently.
"you'll meet the representative next morning."
The next morning the man can hardly contain himself, as he opens the door at 7AM...
To find a huge - we're talking King Kong - gorilla, fuming and grunting, with a sign around its neck..
My dwarf girlfriend went to work this morning upset with me, because I've been taking the piss out of her size. So I'm going all out to make it up to her tonight.
I've got a good bottle of wine in and bought her the latest dvd box set of her favourite programme. When she gets in from work I'm going to order her favourite takeaway for her tea, then go upstairs and run her a nice hot sink.
Explaining politics to teenagers is like a Jehovah Witness selling blood transfusions on the doorstep of a Catholic church.
Just finished hoovering, cleaned every countertop till they shined, dusted the furniture, chandeliers and lamps, mopped the floor twice, washed every dish, beat the dust out of the rugs, cleaned the glass on the windows.
Anyhow, the cleaning service comes in an hour and I don't want to see the place looking like a pig stye.