Hottest Jokes Today

There's a stunning little Thai girl works at the ice cream parlour I go to, always wearing skimpy little tops and micro-minis.
I love it when she leans right over to scoop me out some banana sorbet flavour, I can see right down her top and have a good look at her lovely little tits.
I never get raspberry ripple though.


If she leans over that far, her cock falls in the Neapolitan.

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My wife says she wants to be a rapper.

Makes sense - she loves being around chocolate bars.
It is believed the reason so many migrants from poor African countries are trying to get to the UK is because they see it as the land of "milk and honey".

As a lot of them are Muslims, surely all we need to do is let them know it's a land of bacon sandwiches and fat slags wearing skimpy clothes.

That should make the fuckers think twice.
My ex-girlfriend has just accused me of stalking her!

Fucking bitch!

And I'll tell her that as soon as she comes out of the toilets in McDonald's.
I've got to do a story for my local paper on big game hunters in Zimbabwe and I'm running out of time.

I've got a dead lion to meet.
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Random 5!

There was once a pair of high school sweethearts. When they graduated, they wanted to go to the same college but the girl was accepted to a college on the east coast, and the guy went to the west coast. They agreed to be faithful to each other and spend any time they could together.
As time went on, the guy would call the girl and she would never be home, and when he wrote, she would take weeks to return the letters. Even when he emailed her, she took days to return his messages.

Finally, she confessed to him she wanted to date around. He didn't want to do this and increased his calls, letters, and emails trying to win back her love. Because she became annoyed, and now had a new boyfriend, she wanted to get him off her back.

So, what she did is this: she took a Polaroid picture of her giving her new boyfriend a blow job and sent it to her old boyfriend with a note reading, ''I found a new boyfriend, leave me alone.''

Well, needless to say, this guy was heartbroken but, even more so, was pissed. So...he wrote on the back of the photo: ''Dear Mom and Dad, having a great time at college, please send more money!'' and mailed the picture to her parents.
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Hottest Jokes This Week

Whilst in America, my son and I went shopping in Wal-mart. I asked the cashier if they had any Kinder eggs.

"Oh no, sir, we don't sell them in the States - they are a health hazard!"

"Okay," I replied. "I'll just take these two assault rifles then."
My boss called me.

"Why are you late?" he barked angrily.

"I'm stuck behind a group of bikers," I replied.

"Can't you just ask them to move over?" he asked.

"But they look aggressive," I said, "and the barman hasn't served them yet."
The conductor of my wife's lie detector test revealed that my wife had been unfaithful.

"How reliable are these results?" I asked him.

"Very," he replied. "She sucked me off in the car park earlier."
I was lying on the sofa watching the football when my wife knelt beside me, unzipped my jeans, and took my cock in her mouth.

Anyway, one thing led to another ... and it went into extra time and we won on penalties.
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Hottest Jokes This Month

As I slipped my finger slowly inside her hole, I could immediately feel it getting wetter and wetter.
I took my finger back out and within seconds she was going down on me.
"I really need a new fucking boat," I thought to myself.
Whilst in America, my son and I went shopping in Wal-mart. I asked the cashier if they had any Kinder eggs.

"Oh no, sir, we don't sell them in the States - they are a health hazard!"

"Okay," I replied. "I'll just take these two assault rifles then."
The fact that there is a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic load.
My driving instructor told me to pull over somewhere safe.

Two minutes later he said, "Why haven't you pulled over yet?"

I said, "Because we're still in Manchester."
During a job interview yesterday I poured some water into a cup and it overflowed slightly.

"Nervous?" asked the interviewer.

I replied simply, "No, I always give 110%"
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Newest Jokes Today

As the bungee rope snapped and I stood watching my son plunge to his death, I couldn't help but admire God for His sense of humour.

A broken rubber brought my son into this world, now one was taking him back out.
My wife and I went on one of those ghost hunter shows.

The guy walked into our bedroom and announced, "I'm getting mysterious vibes from this room. We are not the only three in here."

I turned to my wife and said, "Is my mate Dan hiding in the fucking wardrobe again?"
I'm not a very bright person and I haven't got the ability to form my own opinions.

So thank god The Sun and Katie Hopkins can tell me what to think.
It is believed the reason so many migrants from poor African countries are trying to get to the UK is because they see it as the land of "milk and honey".

As a lot of them are Muslims, surely all we need to do is let them know it's a land of bacon sandwiches and fat slags wearing skimpy clothes.

That should make the fuckers think twice.
My ex-girlfriend has just accused me of stalking her!

Fucking bitch!

And I'll tell her that as soon as she comes out of the toilets in McDonald's.
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