I've written a book about a young girl who takes drugs and encounters all kinds of strange creatures talking in almost incomprehensible dialect. It ends up with her getting pregnant and becoming a single mother, living on a shitty estate and surviving off benefits.
"You're Dave right?"
"Winston Wolfe, I fix problems. I understand Kanye West has announced he will run against you for the presidency?"
"You know there are people out there that can make sure that this never happens again."
"What will they do?"
"What cops always do. Shoot blacks!"
Apparently David De Gea's transfer from Manchester United was cast into doubt because United sent files in the wrong document format. Madrid officials reported to be feverishly trying to work out how to open a .fcku attachment...