Three kids come down to the kitchen and sit around the breakfast table. The mother asks the oldest boy what he'd like to eat. "I'll have some fuckin' French toast," he says. The mother is outraged at his language, hits him, and sends him upstairs. She asks the middle child what he wants. "Well, I guess that leaves more fuckin' French toast for me," he says. She is livid, smacks him, and sends him away. Finally she asks the youngest son what he wants for breakfast. "I don't know," he says meekly, "but I definitely don't want the fuckin' French toast."
I'm a massive fan of Stephen Fry, I never miss an episode of QI and I watch every documentary he's in.
I love the guy so much, I ordered enough full sized statues of him to fill my garden, sixteen of them.
On the day the wagon of Stephens was due, I was so excited I spent all morning on my doorstep waiting for it.
When it eventually pulled up outside my house however, I realised there had been an awful mistake.
There was a knock on Kate and Gerry Mccann's door.
Standing there was a young girl, around 13.
Kate instantly hugged her and exclaimed,
"Madeline, where have you been!?"
Madeline held up a paper bag from McDonald's, "Picking up this cheeseburger for 99p"
Today I discovered that my Girlfriend was a virgin before she had met me,I learnt this by asking her what was the biggest Penis she had ever had, she answered me with a straight and truthful gaze "Why, yours my love"
My nan was telling me about my grandad I never met the other day and she started to talk about his death, she said "I still remember his last words"
I said "what were they?"
She replied "OH FUCK ITS A BUS!"
I like a girl who's good in the sack.
Much better than the ones who try to struggle out of it.
A chap in Golders Green stubbed his toe when he misreaad a sign in a shop as Hamas rather than Hummus. The isrealis have taken out 4 restaurants, 2 schools and a chiropodists (just in case) in Gaza and the bottom half of the Edgeware Road in response to this obvious provoction.