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Hottest Today (10 of 653)
 

1223407
Luis Suarez has apologised for not shaking hands with Evra.

"I didn't realise it was him," he said. "They all look the fucking same."
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Joke by max in Racism - Black - Added: 10 hours ago - Current Score: 403.8

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1223411
They say Abu Qatada has to be released because he hasn't broken any rules in England.

Oh yeah? What about the rule that says you have to have a 'u' after 'q'?
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Joke submitted by sir_arthur_strebegrebling, originally by BBC News Quiz in Crime - Terrorism (+ 1 more) - Added: 10 hours ago - Current Score: 262

1223274
'It's not right, but it's okay'

...sings Whitney Houston's coroner as he slowly unbuckles his belt.
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Joke by nerz in Celebrities - Whitney Houston - Added: 14 hours ago - Current Score: 254

1223161
Is it ironic that the most successful vocal artist to come out of the x factor is the voiceover man? I like this! This is poor.  Edit this
Joke by huhuh9 in Other - ??? Random - Added: 21 hours ago - Current Score: 194.8

1223572
What's the difference between a Diva and a diver?

Only one of them can breathe underwater.
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Joke by turdburgler in Celebrities - Whitney Houston - Added: 7 hours ago - Current Score: 125

1223010
My wife was so horny last night.

I walked into the kitchen and caught her gluing cucumber slices back together.
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Joke by donni in Sex and shit - Wife - Added: 23 hours ago - Current Score: 119.4

1223522
I saw six men taking it in turns to have sex with a woman in the park last night.

After they finished she looked at me and said, "Why didn't you bother doing anything?"

"Because I've got a girlfriend" I replied, "Besides, you're a bit too slutty for me."
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Joke by RodneyMyers in Sex and shit - Rape - Added: 8 hours ago - Current Score: 107.2

1223608
One Dies, Million Cry. Millions Die, No One Cries.

The difference between Whitney's death and the wank I just had.
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Joke by JackTheRippa in Celebrities - Whitney Houston - Added: 6 hours ago - Current Score: 105.6

1223468
I've decided to call my cock 'Whitney'.

Because it goes stiff in the bath.
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Joke by city hobgoblin in Celebrities - Whitney Houston - Added: 9 hours ago - Current Score: 88.6

1223416
I got a bird back to my place last night.

She sat down and said, "I take it you masturbate a lot."

"I'm so sorry," I stuttered, loading my arms with DVDs. "I would have hidden my porn collection if I'd known I had a lady coming over."

"No, it's not that," she replied. "I'm stuck to your sofa."
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Joke by CallmeDeano in Sex and shit - Masturbation - Added: 10 hours ago - Current Score: 62.4

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Hottest This Week (10 of lots)
1218465
I was telling a girl in the pub about my uncanny ability to guess the day a woman was born just by feeling their breasts.

"Really?" she said. "Go on then... Try."

After about 30 seconds of fondling she began to lose patience.

"Come on," she demanded, "What day was I born on?"

"Yesterday?" I replied.
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Joke by WTD in Other - Joke - Added: 5 days ago - Current Score: 721

1217348
During one of our lessons I asked the children what their fathers did for a living.
"My Dad runs the fire station. He's the station officer." Said Simon.
"Very good Simon. Anyone else?"
"My Dad runs the local prison," piped up Billy.
"Excellent Billy. Is he the prison governor?" I asked.
"No Sir, he's just the hardest cunt in there."
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Joke by Tarquin Powers in Crime - Prison - Added: 6 days ago - Current Score: 677.2

1219645
Kurt Cobain killed himself one month after Justin Bieber was born..

He knew.
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Joke by NinjaRaver in Illness and mortality - Suicide (+ 2 more) - Added: 4 days ago - Current Score: 657.8

1217363
I've always been told it's not rape if you yell surprise first.

You can imagine the terror I felt as I walked into my first surprise party.
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Joke by jimmycunt in Sex and shit - Rape - Added: 6 days ago - Current Score: 657

1221604
Whitney Houston to star in her new film. The Bodybag. I like this! This is poor.  Edit this
Joke by Fiddlestix in Celebrities - Whitney Houston - Added: 1 day ago - Current Score: 618.2

1217275
My son was sick all over the pub on his 18th last night.

18 pints is a lot for a 6 year old in fairness though.
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Joke by sick.fucker in Crime - Child Abuse - Added: 6 days ago - Current Score: 536.8

1218304
I had to defrost the fridge last night before bed.

Or foreplay, as she calls it.
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Joke by drof in Sex and shit - Foreplay (+ 1 more) - Added: 5 days ago - Current Score: 493.8

1220952
I've dedicated my life to getting under age prostitutes off the streets.

For an hour or so usually.
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Joke by irbaboon in Sex and shit - Prostitutes - Added: 2 days ago - Current Score: 490

1221809
Whitney Houston died just hours after being asked to be a judge on the next season of X-Factor.

Personally I think she made the right decision.
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Joke by lokeyslave in Illness and mortality - Death (+ 1 more) - Added: 1 day ago - Current Score: 463.6

1217625
As I knelt down with a pair of size 4 shoes in front of this sexy blonde in a short skirt, I couldn't resist a quick glance at her knickers.

"Hey cheeky!" she said as she gave me a playful kick. "I bet the only reason you work here is to look up girls' skirts isn't it?"

"That's an absolutely ridiculous accusation, madam," I said sternly. "I don't fucking work here."
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Joke by Fuckdat in Sex and shit - Underwear - Added: 6 days ago - Current Score: 446.8

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Hottest This Month (10 of lots)
1206378
Just been on bigbustycoons.com

Damn, those guys have really good bus companies.
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Joke by DohertysDealer in Other - Wordplay (+ 1 more) - Added: 2 weeks ago - Current Score: 2,089.4

1200730
"So, how's life in North Korea?"

"Well, I can't complain."
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Joke by baconwannabe1243 in In The News - North Korea - Added: 3 weeks ago - Current Score: 1,284

1199221
My penis is so polite, it stands up so girls have a place to sit down. I like this! This is poor.  Edit this
Joke by Sasquatch72 in Sex and shit - Sexual Favours - Added: 3 weeks ago - Current Score: 1,214.6

1201280
How school works:

In class: 2+2=4.

Homework: 2+4+2=8.

Exam: John had 4 apples. He eats one and gives one to a friend. Calculate the Sun's mass.
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Joke submitted by janabimustafa, originally by funnyjunk.com/antaurr in Other - School - Added: 3 weeks ago - Current Score: 1,192.6

1212642
John Terry won't be facing trial for racial abuse until after Euro 2012.

So he's free to lead his country into Poland.

Just like his hero did.
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Joke by Manic1 in Sports - Football - Added: 1 week ago - Current Score: 1,148.2

1200806
*Food hits floor*

Little Germs: 'Let's get it!'

King Germ: 'No, we must wait 5 seconds!'
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Joke by TilakGrey in Other - Superstitions - Added: 3 weeks ago - Current Score: 1,131.4

1205299
Virgin Broadband

The two main ingredients needed for a World Of Warcraft profile.
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Joke by rogerthecabinboy in Other - Video Games - Added: 3 weeks ago - Current Score: 1,050.6

1201159
My girlfriend came and sat next to me on the sofa looking miserable.

"Cheer up," I said.

"Oh I'm OK," she sighed, "just a bit sad."

"You're fab," I said.

"Thanks," she said.

"You're mine," I said.

"I know silly!" she chuckled.

"I love you," I said.

"Aww!" she gushed, "that's so lovely [...]

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Joke by Fuckdat in Sex and shit - Marriage - Added: 3 weeks ago - Current Score: 960.2

1200827
Rap is 75% Crap I like this! This is poor.  Edit this
Joke by Ub3rtim in Other - Wordplay - Added: 3 weeks ago - Current Score: 767.4

1206682
My wife just called me.

She said, "The two kids want you to take them Bowling on Saturday, then afterwards they want you to take them to the cinema."

"It's either one or the other," I said, "otherwise it's too expensive."

"Okay," she replied. "Which one do you prefer?"

I said, "David."
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Joke by SilverSprint in Other - ??? Random - Added: 2 weeks ago - Current Score: 728

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Newest Today (30 of 653)
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1224053
After consuming several pints the other day, we decided to have a humming contest in the pub.

When the landlord gave the word, all the punters started humming.

I only lasted about two minutes.

Some guys were still at it when I left.

The winner was a paki guy who I met a week later and he was still fucking humming.
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Joke by geebee in Racism - Pakistani - Added: 2 minutes ago - Current Score: 1.2

1224052
I had to baby sit my neighbour's daughter the other night, so I asked my sister for advice.

She said, "just treat her how you'd treat your own".

So now I've been charged with rape, thanks a lot Sis.
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Joke by Brownsauce23 in Other - Stupid - Added: 2 minutes ago - Current Score: 1.8

1224051
What the different between whitney houston and ian pasily

Hopefully a couple of days
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Joke by toco4595 in Celebrities - Ian Paisley (+ 1 more) - Added: 3 minutes ago - Current Score: 0

1224050
Adele took home 6 Grammies.

She must have mistaken them for giant ice-cream cones.
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Joke by Sickoldman123 in Illness and mortality - Obesity (+ 2 more) - Added: 3 minutes ago - Current Score: 1

1224049
I was thinking of settling down and having kids

but apparently its wrong to fuck children.
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Joke by henchboy which requires categorising - Added: 4 minutes ago - Current Score: 0.8

1224048
Whiplash is a pain in the neck. I like this! This is poor.  Edit this
Joke by amywinehorse in Other - ??? Random - Added: 4 minutes ago - Current Score: 0.8

1224047
we all know what day it is tomorrow!! My Misses is really excited... It's Champions League Tuesday I like this! This is poor.  Edit this
Joke by Fredd007 in Other - ??? Random - Added: 4 minutes ago - Current Score: 1

1224046
Tomorrow, the 14th of February, is such a huge day for me and so many others. It marks an occasion, a beautiful moment that reminds me what we live for. And tomorrow I will rekindle my passion for you, spend all my time watching and dreaming of you, and relivw the spark that made me fall in love with you.

My next wanks gonna be amazing.
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Joke by Qwazzi in Events - Valentines Day (+ 1 more) - Added: 4 minutes ago - Current Score: 1

1224045
You know you're the loneliest fuck ever, when you search 'valentines day' on pornhub. I like this! This is poor.  Edit this
Joke by Mattlittlematt in Sex and shit - Masturbation - Added: 4 minutes ago - Current Score: 1

1224044
All I brought my wife for valentines day was a crappy bunch of flowers,

Her grave looks better though.
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Joke by Smackhead in Illness and mortality - Death - Added: 5 minutes ago - Current Score: 2.4

1224043
Everyone always says that 'a dog is a man's best friend'.

Which is kind of strange, because I've never been friends with Cher Lloyd.
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Joke by Theturbinator in Celebrities - Cher Lloyd - Added: 5 minutes ago - Current Score: 0.2

1224042
you know the song oh i wanna dance with somebody that wasnt the case on the way back to her hotel room I like this! This is poor.  Edit this
Joke by razzo1 in Celebrities - Whitney Houston - Added: 8 minutes ago - Current Score: -0.2

1224041
Whitney Houston, this is the Challenger Shuttle crew, you were fucking useless as mission controll. I like this! This is poor.  Edit this
Joke by thespecialone in Celebrities - Whitney Houston - Added: 8 minutes ago - Current Score: -1

1224040
I think it would be fun to work at a restaurant on Valentine's day just so I could leave fake engagement rings in all the women's drinks then just watch the men's faces. I like this! This is poor.  Edit this
Joke by Noddy1989 in Sex and shit - Marriage - Added: 9 minutes ago - Current Score: -0.2

1224039
My next door neighbour has just caught me putting Vaseline all around my letter box, "Are you planning on getting lots of cards tomorrow?", he asked.

"No", I replied as I unzipped my trousers.
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Joke by leecherry1982 in Events - Valentines Day - Added: 10 minutes ago - Current Score: 0

1224038
Durex Performance, Last longer than 30 seconds this Valentines Day! I like this! This is poor.  Edit this
Joke by hydatikz in Sex and shit - Contraception - Added: 11 minutes ago - Current Score: 0.2

1224036
I love meeting and working with celebrities from The X Factor.

So I got a job serving fries at McDonald's.
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Joke by JamesOHands in TV - Reality TV - Added: 12 minutes ago - Current Score: 4.2

1224034
"You know the way in some cultures its customary to eat the placenta and umbilical cord after childbirth" I said to the mother of my newborn son.
"ugghh thats disgusting!" she replied 'why are you telling me this?"
"Well" I sighed "I've eaten too much. He no longer has legs"
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Joke by MassiveMasterbation in Illness and mortality - Cannibalism - Added: 14 minutes ago - Current Score: 3.6

1224033
I get claustrophobic easily and I don't get why aeroplane toilets don't fucking have windows. I mean it's not as if anyone can fucking see in.

Unless of course you are the most determined pervert in the world.
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Joke submitted by robbiebhoy, originally by Billy Connolly in Crime - Sex Offender - Added: 15 minutes ago - Current Score: 4

1224032
My wife said to me "What's racecar backwards?"
"Reverse?" I said.

Thick bitch.
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Joke by WWMEDan in Other - Misunderstanding - Added: 15 minutes ago - Current Score: 5

1224031
Anthony Head (Still alive) - 57
JFK Died- 47
Jam Master Jay Died- 37
Amy Winehouse Died- 27

Now what age is Justin Bieber again? 17
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Joke by funnyguyz in Celebrities - ??? Other Celebrities - Added: 17 minutes ago - Current Score: -3

1224030
The staff at McDonalds are so friendly these days,
when a fat bird served me earlier she even apologised for the weight.
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Joke by piggle in Other - Food and Drink - Added: 17 minutes ago - Current Score: 9.6

1224029
Sky News - 'Whitney found under water in bath'

Suds law.
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Joke by pg891 in Celebrities - Whitney Houston - Added: 17 minutes ago - Current Score: -1.2

1224028
Whats 6 inches long and wont be getting sucked on Valentines day?

Whitneys crack pipe.
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Joke by LambSL1 in Celebrities - Whitney Houston - Added: 17 minutes ago - Current Score: 7.2

1224027
What do you call a person who carries 10 mugs at once but no cups?
Robin Van Persie
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Joke by yurma in Sports - Football - Added: 18 minutes ago - Current Score: 4

1224026
I think I'll call my cock "Whitney"

Because if you sniff it you die!
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Joke by iCalzo in Celebrities - Whitney Houston - Added: 18 minutes ago - Current Score: -5.8

1224024
I saw Whitney perform back in 2010 and it was terrible! I was sure she couldn't sink any lower.

Boy, was I wrong.
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Joke by jakcson in Celebrities - Whitney Houston - Added: 19 minutes ago - Current Score: 3.8

1224023
I've been dating a robot girlfriend, on and off I like this! This is poor.  Edit this
Joke by egger in Other - Computers/Technology - Added: 20 minutes ago - Current Score: 1.2

1224022
Makes a change for Whitney Houston to beat Bobby Brown to death. I like this! This is poor.  Edit this
Joke by ZUGZ71 in Celebrities - Whitney Houston - Added: 20 minutes ago - Current Score: 2.6

1224021
Carlos Tevez has accused Roberto Mancini of treating him "Like a dog".

Well then count yourself fucking lucky you don't play in Korea.
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Joke by Tigeral in Sports - Football - Added: 24 minutes ago - Current Score: -1.4


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