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Cheryl Fernandez-Versini has hit back after a photo was published showing her in a toilet close to a 'mysterious white powder'.

Her spokesperson said, "Cheryl would like to make it clear that she only went into the toilet to racially abuse the attendant."
I was talking to my old teacher today about my rape conviction and he was quite understanding about it.

Funny, after all these years, who'd have thought we would end up in the same cell together.
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Random 5!

What do Pakis and Cigarettes have in common?

They both fuckin' stink, come in packs of 20 and we all want them banned from pubs, clubs and workplaces!
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Hottest Jokes This Week

"You can't park there, it's a disabled space," shouted the car park attendant.

"There are eleven empty spaces - it's not as if eleven disabled people are all going to turn up at once, is it?" I replied.

At which point the Aston Villa team bus pulled up to disprove my theory.
I made my fortune selling HIV testing kits to Africa.

To be honest, they're really just lollipop sticks with 'Yes' written on the side.
How do you know if someone was bullied at school?

They wear a badge that says 'Community Support Officer'.
I can't believe how shallow women on dating sites can be.

I'd been chatting to this girl for a while and we were getting on ok, but then she turned round and said she wasn't interested, JUST because of the type of car I live in.
Well done Turkey on shooting down a Russian warplane.

Now proceed to level two where you have to destroy fifty Russian warplanes and fight off an invading ground force.
Following the attacks in Paris last week, no matter what you think about Mancunians, you've got to give respect to the Manchester City fans who observed a 90 minute silence in their game against Liverpool.
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Hottest Jokes This Month

I think it's time a serious message is sent out to ISIS and every other terrorist group throughout the world.

Justin Bieber has a gig on Thursday, November 19 at the Toyota Center, Houston, Texas, US.
Unbelievable act of kindness in amongst all the chaos in Paris tonight. All the taxi drivers are staying in the city centre to taxi everyone home free of charge.

It'd be a lot easier if they just texted their families and told them to stop killing everyone.
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Newest Jokes Today

Apparently every bloke loves a blowjob! Which is bull shit because after failing my driving test and the offer of a blowjob to pass me, my instructor was having none of it. Calling me a gay cunt, sick twisted little fuck.

Any way I've never seen my dad so angry.
It's one year today, since infamous East End gangster 'mad' Frankie Fraser died.

In remembrance, Hackney Council are holding a two-minute Shat your Facking Maaaaaarf, down the market.
I told my muslim neighbour never to leave her house on a tuesday morning, she should have listened, the garbage man mistook her for a binbag the other day.
President Obama pardoned 2 turkeys named 'Honest' and 'Abe' yesterday. Both turkeys will be spared the axe and live out their days on a nearby farm in Virginia. Unfortunately their siblings, 'Delicious' and 'Plumpy' were not so lucky.
Today is the American holiday of Thanksgiving and they have a tradition whereby you share some of the things you're thankful for, so here goes...

1- Being able to buy Kinder eggs.
2- Not getting shot when I go to school or the cinema etc.
3- Not being an American.
Brussels oldest mosque has been evacuated after envelopes containing a "suspicious powder" were found inside.

Analysis of the substance pointed to it being washing powder.

CCTV currently being studied, as only Muslims are permitted to enter the mosque.
My girlfriend read through a letter she received in the post.

"Why am I so unfortunate?" she shrieked.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"Last week I was diagnosed with dyslexia and now, according to this letter, I have tiny tits." she continued.

I said, "Tinnitus. You have tinnitus."
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