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If I've learned anything from these ghost hunter shows, it's that everyone speaks English after they die.
I remember when you could say 'wog', 'sambo', 'darky', 'coon' and 'nigger' and it just seemed normal.

It was at the UKIP party conference in September to be precise.
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Random 5!

Ferrari's Formula 1 team manager decided to employ some Liverpudlian teenagers as their pit crew. This was because of their renowned skill at removing car wheels quickly. At the first practice session, not only did they change all 4 wheels in 6 seconds, but within 12 seconds they had re-sprayed, re-badged & sold the fucker to the McLaren team for 8 cases of Stella, a bag of weed & some pictures of David Coulthard's bird getting shagged up the arse.
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Hottest Jokes This Week

"If you eat much more of that you're going to explode!" said my wife to our young son, as he shovelled in another mouthful of bacon.

Of course, statistically, he's far more likely to explode if he never eats any bacon at all.
A Muslim was arguing with me about how pigs were disgusting creatures and a health risk to all people.

"Do you think so Mohammed? " I said. "I've never yet seen one explode. "
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Hottest Jokes This Month

A Muslim schoolgirl is complaining that she has been excluded from her Camden school for wearing a veil.

Ironically, if she lived in a Muslim country she could wear a veil to her heart's content, she just wouldn't be allowed to go to school.
My dwarf girlfriend went to work this morning upset with me, because I've been taking the piss out of her size. So I'm going all out to make it up to her tonight.

I've got a good bottle of wine in and bought her the latest dvd box set of her favourite programme. When she gets in from work I'm going to order her favourite takeaway for her tea, then go upstairs and run her a nice hot sink.
History remembers Emily Davison, who threw herself in front of the King's horse to become a martyr for the suffragette movement.

It doesn't remember her husband, however, who didn't get his tea that night.
"If you eat much more of that you're going to explode!" said my wife to our young son, as he shovelled in another mouthful of bacon.

Of course, statistically, he's far more likely to explode if he never eats any bacon at all.
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Newest Jokes Today

A Paki bloke at work was looking stressed so I suggested he take off his clothes and lay in a bath with candles, chocolate and wine.

The next day he said, "It was very nice but rather cold."

"Next time, Abdul," I sighed, "put some hot water in first."
Women's Logic: My girlfriend will give me a blow job and swallow because she thinks it's "sexy and kinky," but when I use her tooth brush or towel I'm a "disgusting, unhygienic bastard."
Some guy said to me, "You've got your father's nose."

I said, "I don't really, it's just my thumb between my fingers."
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