Hottest Jokes Today

As I slipped my finger slowly inside her hole, I could immediately feel it getting wetter and wetter.
I took my finger back out and within seconds she was going down on me.
"I really need a new fucking boat," I thought to myself.

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Jenson Button has done a parade lap on the back of a lorry before the British Grand Prix to see his fans.

He went round twelve seconds faster than his qualifying lap.
"Your western culture is perverse and evil, your faith in so called progression and self satisfied comfort in technology will only see you burn in the hottest fires of Allah's damned"

Said an IS video. Uploaded to YouTube.
Why do meteors always land in craters?
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Random 5!

As a young boy I was concerned with the Earth, how we were damaging it with pollution. I was worried for the welfare for all the endangered species, how we were eradicating whole species with every skyscraper we built or every gas-guzzling car that was made. I feared for poor, underprivileged children in far away countries that didn't have clean water and were dying of horrible diseases.

Then I discovered wanking.
Fuck me! I've seen £20 whores takes less of a battering around the ring than Hatton!

He took such a battering around the ring I'm surprised they didn't find him in Michael Barrymores swimming pool!
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Hottest Jokes This Week

As I slipped my finger slowly inside her hole, I could immediately feel it getting wetter and wetter.
I took my finger back out and within seconds she was going down on me.
"I really need a new fucking boat," I thought to myself.
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Hottest Jokes This Month

Dylann Roof is now being questioned by Police after shooting 9 black people dead in one day.

Charleston police chief Gregory Mullen said,

"He went a little overboard with this unique style of job application, but we'd still like to take him on."
Tesco have come under fire for having smoky bacon Pringles as part of a Ramadan promotion.

They have now apologised and offered free female genital mutilation vouchers to anyone who may have been offended.
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Newest Jokes Today

The women's football transfer window is now open, man city women's team have just signed there latest player on loan, apparently she costs £120 for one hour, £220 for two hours or £60 for a 15 minute quickie!
Its good to see the nhs's plan of recruiting africa's finest gp's has improved treatment.

I went to see the doctor today about my poor eyesight and he said' do you eat bananas!

I said' not really why??

he replied' well you never see a monkey with a pair of glasses on!!
Texting wasn't always easy. In my day you had to work for that shit. You had to really fucking want it.

You want an S? You'd better press that 7 button four times motherfucker!
The Mail on Sunday features a woman who made her boyfriend have a vasectomy because she has a phobia about being sick.

I'm assuming he has a short, very hygienic, dick or she doesn't do oral, either
Michael Collins, the astronaut left in lunar orbit while Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin got all the glory, has revealed his true feelings.

He said he felt sick as a parrot when he was over the Moon.
Why do meteors always land in craters?
First they came for the Blacks, and I didn't speak out because I wasn't Black.

Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak out because I wasn't a Jew.

Then they realised that all the problems had pretty much been solved, so they stopped coming for people.
Just been watching Jason Manford on TV and I'm thinking...

He really should do a comedy version of his stand-up one day.
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