Hottest Jokes Today

The Royal and Ancient Golf Club has voted in favour of allowing women members for the first time in its 260-year history.

A spokesman said, 'For years we have denied women entrance, and frankly the place now needs a bloody good Hoovering'

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Random 5!

A Kiwi and an Aussie were sitting around talking one afternoon over a cold beer.

After a while the Aussie says to the Kiwi, "If I was to sneak over to your house and made wild passionate love to your wife while you were off fishing, and she got pregnant and had a baby, would that make us related?"

The Kiwi crooked his head sideways for a minute, scratched his head, and squinted his eyes thinking real hard about the question.
Finally, he says, "Well, I don't know about related, but it sure would make us even."
I went to a fancy dress party the other week, wearing only a pair of Y-fronts.

A woman at the party said to me, "This is a fancy dress party, what are you supposed to be?"

"A premature ejaculation," I said.

"What do you mean?" replied the woman.

"I've come in my pants!" I said.
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Hottest Jokes This Week

I don't know why people keep getting worked up about immigration..

All my neighbours are English
All the kids in the local school are English
All the local shops are owned and run by English people

I love it here in Spain.
A pirate goes to the doctor, worried the moles on his back are cancerous

"It's ok" says the Doctor "They're benign"

"Count 'em again Doc" says the pirate. "I reckon there be at least ten"
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Hottest Jokes This Month

Sure, white people can't say the "n word" but at least we can say phrases like, "Thanks for the warning, Officer" and, "Hey, Dad."
I don't know why people keep getting worked up about immigration..

All my neighbours are English
All the kids in the local school are English
All the local shops are owned and run by English people

I love it here in Spain.
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Newest Jokes Today

How stupid do you have to be to plunge thousands of pounds into a Pyramid Scheme.

I mean, do people really think they can do a better job than the Egyptians?? Idiots!
Andy Murray âScotland needs independence, we will flourish on our own!â

You live in a 6 bedroom Mansion in Surrey you daft twat, the only way it was going to effect you was whether you have "GBR" or "SCO" underneath a picture of you losing.

Cunt
"What are the best seats you have for Singing In The Rain?" I asked the girl at the box office. "It's my wife's birthday tonight."

"I've got two in the very front row," she smiled, "but they're £50 each, and she'll get really wet."

I said "I'll take them."
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