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As we enter the rainy season it must be remembered that up to six inches of rain can fall in a night. Winds will blow trees down and many towns may become impossible to reach with food and supplies. Many thousands will lose their homes and lives will be lost.

Although the English still prefer to call it summer.
Friends say the Germanwings co-pilot was intelligent, somewhat somber, a bit sinister and a little eccentric.

Or as doctors call it, "German."
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Random 5!

I was walking home last night when some chav jumped out and drew a knife on me. The little fucker used permanent marker and it was a bastard to wash off.
Some people said Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 is a bit unrealistic.

The Americans are hunting down two Brits, the British are trying to save the world and the French are nowhere to be found.

Sounds pretty fucking realistic to me.
Secrets to a Happy Marriage
1. It is important to find a woman that cooks and cleans.
2. It is important to find a woman that makes good money.
3. It is important to find a woman that likes to have sex.
and MOST important...
4. It is important that these three women never meet.
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Hottest Jokes This Week

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Hottest Jokes This Month

A black guy goes into a bakery. While he's waiting to get served he hears a voice say "fuck off back to the jungle, Nigger".

He looks down and sees some cakes looking back at him.

"Excuse me", he says to the girl behind the counter, "did you hear what these things just said?"

"Sorry about that. They're Chelsea buns."
I taught my Dog to play the trumpet on the London Underground...

We went from Barking to Tooting in about an hour.
An Engineer was unemployed for a long time. He could not find a job so he opened a medical clinic and puts a sign up outside: "Get your treatment for $500, if not treated get back $1,000."

One Doctor thinks this is a good opportunity to earn $1,000 and goes to his clinic. Doctor: "I have lost taste in my mouth." Engineer: "Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient's mouth."

Doctor: "This is Gasoline!" Engineer: "Congratulations! You've got your taste back. That will be $500."

The Doctor gets annoyed and goes back after a couple of days later to recover his money. Doctor: "I have lost my memory, I cannot remember anything."

Engineer: "Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient's mouth." Doctor: "But that is Gasoline!" Engineer: "Congratulations! You've got your memory back. That will be $500."

The Doctor leaves angrily and comes back after several more days. Doctor: "My eyesight has become weak."
Engineer: "Well, I don't have any medicine for this. Take this $1,000."
Doctor: "But this is $500..."

Engineer: "Congratulations! You got your vision back! That will be $500."
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Newest Jokes Today

On her way back home through the park the wife was raped by a gang of men who bashed her head in with a crowbar. Crimewatch have offered to do a reconstruction.

That's sweet, but I think they should leave it to the plastic surgeon.
Women always complain that leaving my shoes and socks on during sex is really unromantic.

I think it's a trick. Going barefoot would really hamper my chances of escape on a rainy night.
Thousands of people have been taking part in a march to the Bardo Museum in a an anti-terrorism rally in the capital, Tunis

A spokesman from the museum has said " Business in the gift shop today is fucking brilliant!"
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