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After TV presenter Paul Ross told London 'Metro' he had been 'dogging' with another man following his addiction to mephedrone, his wife told the paper 'I know 90 per cent of Paul is a good man...And the other 10% is a dirty shit-stabbing sodomite who could have given me AIDS. That's why I'm divorcing the cunt.'
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Random 5!

I was asked today if I liked Beyonce. I said, "Are you joking? I would lick the shit from her arsehole."

"Erm... OK..." my Gran replied. "Does that mean you'd like her album for your birthday?"
A cop is patrolling Lover's Lane when he sees the strangest thing. A young teenage couple is sitting in a car, the guy in the front and the girl in the back. The guy is reading a magazine and the girl appears to be knitting.

He stops the patrol car and walks over to knock on the young man's window. He rolls the window down.

"Yes officer?"

"I have to ask you, what are you doing?"

"Well sir, I am reading a magazine."

"What about the young lady in the backseat?"

The young man turns to look behind him. "Well, I think she is knitting a pullover sweater."

"How old are you young man?" the officer asks.

"I am 18 Officer."

"And the girl?"

The young man looks at his watch. "Well, she'll be 16 in 11 minutes."
An Illinois man left the cold streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida. His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day. When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick e-mail.

Unable to find the scrap of paper on which he had written her e-mail address, he did his best to type it in from memory. Unfortunately, he missed one letter, and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher's wife whose husband had passed away only the day before. When the grieving widow checked her e-mail, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fell to the floor dead.

At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen:

Dearest Wife,

Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow.

Your Loving Husband.

P.S. Sure is hot down here.
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Hottest Jokes This Week

Three Indians walk into a bar. The barman says, "Is this some kind of Sikh joke?"
Three Israelis walk into a bar. The barman says, "Jew can't be serious!"
Three Muslims walk into a bar. The barman says, "Fuck off, you Paki bastards."
What's better than seeing the look of disappointment on the faces of Celtic supporters, after crashing out of the Champions League?

Seeing it twice.
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Hottest Jokes This Month

Martin Scorsese's film "The Wolf of Wall Street" broke a record by using the word "Fuck" or "Fucking" 506 times.

That actually beats a record set by my dad in 2003, trying to put an Ikea chair together.
A woman walks into a marriage counselling office.

The counsellor says, "I know exactly why you're here. Your husband doesn't want to make love to you anymore, instead he prefers watching porn and masturbating."

She exclaims, "Wow! that's correct! How did you know without even having a session with me?"

The counsellor replies, "Because you're fat."
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Newest Jokes Today

Now that Cyber Crime has increased drastically over the years, The Police Force has made a substantial budget cut by making redundancies of over 80% of all ground officers and beat cops.

Forensics predict that there will be a decrease in contaminated and tampered evidence for the foreseeable future.
Naked photo's released of Jennifer Laurence

I found them quite mystique if you ask me..
I was searching the internet for news about Falcao

He is so talented and famous all over the world, drawing crowds where ever he played

But I found out he died in 1998
There was a fancy dress party in my local pub last night.

I ended up playing pool with a guy who was dressed as an owl. When taking his shot his wing rubbed against one of the balls so I said ; "two hits"

He replied "two hits to who?"
In the news: Jennifer Lawrence nude photos spark fear of mass celebrity hacking

A spokesman said 'This is a flagrant violation of privacy' , and is calling for additional security protocols to ensure that this doen't happen again, with warnings to hackers.
Also there will be a confrence to discuss how to ensure privacy.

Or perhaps celebrities could just stop posting naked photos to Icloud.

But whilst they do, challenge accepted.
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