All Jokes

A midwife popped round to see how a couple were getting on with their first baby. She found the new dad with his two fingers firmly lodged up the baby's nose and he's dragging the baby around in the bath in figure of eights."
The midwife screamed, "That's not how to bath a newborn!!!"
The man said, "It is when the waters this bloody hot!!!"
I was sticking my hand up in the air with one finger raised,when the cab pulled over.

I said,"Do you accept oyster mate?"

"Since when do cabs accept oyster you idiot," he asked with a raised voice.

"Exactly," I replied,"So fuck off so the bus behind you can pull in."
My new girlfriend has this weirdest fetish
After sticking all sorts of veggies up her vagina, she wants me to make a salad from stuff that went in ...

On the upside, I don't need creme fraiche to make a tzatziki

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