All Jokes

"Daddy, can we go to a haunted house this year?"

"What's wrong with the one we live in?"

"WHAT?"

"Goodnight son"
"Dave, you filthy bastard." Said the wife to me, coming out of our son's room. "Have you been using Joe's socks to wank into?"

"Err, hang on, why is it automatically me?" I snapped. "Why don't you ask Joe about it first?"


"Because he's three."
My sex life is a bit like my karaoke ability.

Despite begging me to stop I carry on until I've finished.
I arrived on my first day at the news station wearing only my underpants.

The manager looked at me said, "Why the hell are you not dressed?"

"You told me I was going to read the news in brief," I replied.
It has just occurred to me that king Henry the eighth must have been a Muslim......... the clues are all there, his love of beheading, the abolition of a religion, his love of wearing sandals, the dirty beard and his desire to have a young boy.
I asked Cheick Tiote of Newcastle United why he has two wives when he only needed to marry one to stay in the UK.

Apparently he likes to keep a spare in case John Terry fucks off with one.

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