All Jokes

I applied for a job as an insurance salesman. Where the form requested 'prior experience', I jotted down 'Lifeguard'. Nothing else.

"We're looking for someone who can not only sell insurance, but who can sell himself," said the hiring manager for the insurance company. "How does working as a lifeguard pertain to salesmanship?"

"I couldn't swim," I replied.

I got the job.
We keep being told that that it's wonderful to live in such a diverse community.

Well I looked up the definition of diverse, and nowhere does it mention black.
There's been a lot of confusion about Islam going around lately, so I figured it would only be right if I provided a more concise definition:

Islam: Noun. A religion whose primary focus involves instilling morality and fear of God (Allah) into yourself, other people, or the general Muslim community via senseless acts of terror and violence. For example:

a) Islam my head into the floor (self).
b) Islam planes into buildings (others).
c) Islam stones into an innocent young woman who was just raped because she's an adulterous whore (Muslim community)... Allahu akbar

Put that in your hookah and smoke it you smelly Arab cunts.
I stood behind her and reached forward to undo the strap.

Without seeing, I knew that she was now bouncing free.

She turned and jumped on me, pushing me to the floor and started licking me all over.

At this point I had too shout at her to stop and chastise her.

Guide dogs are meant to be trained never to jump up.

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