All Jokes

So Halloween is upon us, and let us remind our kids the true reason why we celebrate it... honouring all the pumpkin people who gave their lives to protect the secrets of Willy Wonka's chocolate factory.
My next door neighbour told me about a Jamaican friend of his on the market selling Gillette razors for next to nothing, so I slipped him twenty quid and asked him to pick me up as many as he could.

The next day, he turned up at my house with a bulging carrier bag and I thought I'd got the deal of the century.
When I tipped it out onto the table however, I discovered it was full of the cheapest throw-away bullshit razors I'd ever seen.

"What the fuck??" I said. "I thought you said they were Gillette?"


"No, mate." He replied. "I said they were the best Damon can get."
We were sat watching tv earlier, when my girlfriend said:

"I'm as horny as fuck, I'm going upstairs. I'll be back down when I've cum."

'What an idiot' I thought, 'we live in a flat'.
I'm going into self-imposed quarantine. There comes a time when the only thing to do is take to your bed and sweat it out.

Fucking hate trick or treaters.

Jokes By Date

Click on a date on the calendar below to see statistics and browse jokes for that day.

Statistics for the present day (or indeed the future) are not available.