All Jokes

I said to my doctor, "I found a lump downstairs this morning."

"Ok, well take off your pants." he replied.

After feeling my bollocks for a few minutes he said, "Where's the lump then?"

"Under my armpit." I replied, "I was in my living room at the time."
My new Paki neighbours were furious with me when they invited me to their housewarming party. All I asked was what kind of beard trimmer their daughter used!
I was determined to convince my wife to try anal, so last night in bed I said, "Hey, why don't we try sex the other way for once?"

She replied, "Sure. You lie back and I'll get on top, come after five seconds, roll over, fart and fall asleep."
I think my Paki neighbour is taking his religion too far.

I've just watched him plant a IED in the garden because there's an empty packet of pork scratchings blowing around.

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