All Jokes

I asked a girl at the bar that I would be happy to meet her parents.

"Oh that's a gentlemanly was to ask me out," she said.

"Not with you. I want to see if you got your boobs from your dad and your moustache from your mother."
I see that KFC is coming out with a more upmarket restaurant that won't feature any pictures of Colonel Sanders.

Because if there's one thing that's going to make KFC even more sumptuous, it's taking out the only cunt in the place who's dressed like a gentleman.
At the annual Tunbridge Wells council meeting I tabelled a motion that none of the attendees should come from an ethnic background.

"All in favour say aye," I said, to a chorus of agreement.

"And those opposed say no," I continued, and there was a solitary voice.

"Well," said the voice, a little nervously. "Looks like I'm in the minority."

"That's right, Mohammed," I said. "Get out."
Surfing, a sport that looks fun.

But I reckon it's a lot like my sex life.

She lays down, I struggle to get on top, I struggle to stay up, I'm a long way from where she wants to be and after a 100 strokes I'm still no fucking closer, I get a brief ride, end up wet and salty and spend the next 24 hours picking crabs out of my pubes.
A young blonde girl came up to me today. She said "Do you know who I am"? I said "No. Why, Should I"? She leaned in and whispered "I'm the girl who was in the Magaluf video" I replied "Oh, sorry. I didn't recognize you without a cock in your mouth".

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