All Jokes

ELECTION TIME, ELECTION TIME, ELECTION TIME.
No, I'm not going on about the up and coming result's on may the 7th.
I'm just watching a Chinese porn film.
A womans body was found dismembered in a flat in Wales. The family are in bits.
Two policemen call the station on the radio.

"Hello. Is this the Sarge?"
"Yes?"
"We have a case here. A woman has shot her husband dead for stepping on the floor she had just mopped."
"Have you arrested the woman?"
"No Sarge. The floor is still wet."
I remember as a kid i loved Star Wars and was always pretending to be a Jedi in the school playground.
One day the school bully approached me as i play. "I'm gonna smash your stupid face in" he yelled at me.
Remembering the way of the Jedi i replied "IF YOU STRIKE ME DOWN, I SHALL BECOME MORE POWERFUL THAN YOU CAN POSSIBLY IMAGINE."

20 years on i have just awoken from the coma.

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