All Jokes

A girl with lopsided breasts has been refused NHS treatment because she's 'not a wannabe model' according to The Sun.

I totally agree. To get it, she's got to one tit.
My daughter's pet goldfish died today, so to cheer her up I replaced it with a hamster.

What a waste of money that was.

The little fucker drowned after about 5 minutes.
I just opened an American clothing store called Roman 40.

Everything is XL.
A man goes to the doctor's and says, "I've always been really skinny. Could you run some tests and see if you can find out why?"

He goes back for his test results a week later. The doctor says, "Well, you'll never have to worry about middle-aged spread."

The man says, "So I've got a fast metabolism, then?"

The doctor says, "No, we found a tumour on your pancreas."
My Atheist mate was waving a bible around in front of me in a friendly discussion,

"You show me one thing in here you can prove and I will buy you beer for a month. " He said. So I took the bible and browsed through it,

"There you go, " I said, "lager for a month please. It has 1143 pages. "

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