All Jokes

After calling black actors 'coloured' the other week, Benedict Cumberbatch is desperate to make amends so has added his signature to a letter to the government demanding that 49,000 men that were persecuted for being gay be pardoned. 'I know they're not black but they're as bad as ... er ... I mean as good as' he elaborated
Little Johnny says mommy mommy can I have a bowl of ice cream? So mommy says you know you can't have ice cream before dinner. So little Johnny says then can we play a game? What game? says mommy. Let's play mommy and daddy says little Johnny. How do we play? asks mommy. Well, says little Johnny, you go upstairs and lie down in bed. Okay, says mommy, and goes upstairs and lies down. Little Johnny goes over to the hall closet, pulls out his dad's jacket and hat, puts them on. He pulls a cigarette out of the coat, lights up. He goes over to the stairs and screams hey you fat fucking cunt, get your ass down here and fix the kid a bowl of fucking ice cream!
My Jewish neighbor just pulled up in his brand new SUV.

"I bet you got the Diesel because of the better mileage?" I suggested.

"No" he replied, "I just don't like the smell of gas."
If you are going to see the new Taken movie in the cinema, stay until after the credits roll.

I did so and after about an hour they started showing American Sniper.
It's a sad day when your peeling a half ripe banana & realise its bigger than your quite some margin.

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