All Jokes

I was sitting on my own in a restaurant, when I saw a beautiful woman at another table.

I sent her a bottle of the most expensive wine on the menu.

She sent me a note, "I will not touch a drop of this wine unless you can assure me that you have seven inches in your pocket."

I wrote back, "Give me the wine. As gorgeous as you are, I'm not cutting off three inches for anyone."
I almost went to prison as a student when I smuggled a pornographic picture into my Law lecturer's slides.

I got charged with attempting to pervert the course of justice.
David Cameron has refused to take part in a live TV debate with Ed Milliband. 'I'd be happy to have a debate with someone of the stature of Prince Charles' he said. 'Then they could call the programme 'Chas & Dave'
You're born, you cry, you grow, you learn, you change, you change, you pull, you push, you pause....you think....

You start, you learn, you kill, you behead, you behead, you rape, you murder, you rape, shout, burn, rape, kill....

A life without limits. Search ISIS jobs online.
How many pakis can you fit in a mini?
5 safely, but a load of aeroplanes and a few ships will get the fuckers back to where they belong much quicker.
Many are speculating if David Walliams marriage to his model wife became difficult after constantly seeing her in the arms of one semi-clad male model after another. 'Doesn't he realise he could have had me?' he's reported to have fumed
Say what you like about the Polish, but they're a hard-working lot.

In the flats where I live there's a family upstairs.

Before they moved in there was no upstairs!

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