All Jokes

I went round to meet my girlfriends fearsome Scottish father,

"Come in son, would yae like to try a wee bit of the hard stuff? "

I thought 'he's not that bad',

"Yes sir, I would love to, " I replied.

So the cunt nutted me and broke my jaw.
I saw two lesbians making out in a park.

I walked over and said, "There's a time and a place for that!"

"Is there?" they asked, bemused.

"Yes," I told them, "It's 7pm and my house."
I was entering a singles bar last night when a bouncer started patting me down.

He said, "Have you got anything on you that you shouldn't have?"

"Yes," I replied, "My wedding ring ."

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