All Jokes

I went to a medical clinic for an electrocardiogram. While the technician was lining up her machine, I told her I have dextrocardia.

"What's that?" she asked.

"It means my heart is on the right side of my chest rather than on the left," I answered. "You should set up your machine to accommodate that."

As she attached the wires, she asked casually, "Tell me, have you had that for long?"
A new report suggests that being overweight is not as harmful as is commonly believed, and actually confers some surprising benefits.

Being five to ten pounds overweight could protect people from ailments ranging from tuberculosis to Alzheimer's disease, research indicates. Those carrying 15 to 25 extra pounds are better able to recover from adverse conditions such as emphysema, pneumonia, and various injuries and infections, states the report.

Thirty to forty pounds of flab could help fend off breast, kidney, pancreatic, prostate, and colon cancer. And an extra fifty pounds on the scale may improve eyesight, reverse baldness, cure the common cold, and reduce global warming.

In general, the report concludes, overweight people are happier, more successful in business, smarter, and friendlier.

The study was funded by a research grant from McDonald's, Burger King, Jack in the Box, Taco Bell, Domino's Pizza, Starbucks, Haagen Dazs, Sara Lee, and Krispy Kreme.
I walked into my Muslim neighbor's house before.

"Fucking hell Abdul, you need to get some air fresheners in here," I said while holding my top over my nose.

"No thanks to you, pick up that dog shit you put through my letterbox now." He replied.

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