Comedians Jokes

I recently got a message from a Sickipedian(simon192009) saying this:

"your a fucking cunt im guna come round ur house, bury you then cut off your mums nipples and feed them to ur dad u wanker!"

Now people, this may seem like a rude thing to send to a fellow Sickipedian but, in fact I'm not surprised this message came through, because you see last night when I was banging his mother, she warned me that
"My prick of a son will send you a rude message on sickipedia"
Well...I think she was talking to me, I wasn't the only one there.......and she had her mouth full....

So come on Simon send me another threatning message, I'm loving the publicity.....Plus its free advertising for your mum.
I'd like to leave you ladies and gentlemen with this frightening fact: I'm not sure if you're aware of this, but if you took all the money that we in the West spend on food in one week, you could feed the Third World for one year. I'm not sure about you people, but I think we're being overcharged on groceries.
I had this amazing cab driver, he was driving a black cab, and he was whistling and smiling. He was clearly having a brilliant time.
He said, "I love my job - I'm my own boss, nobody tells me what to do."
I said, "Take a left here."
My girlfriend said she wanted to have a serious talk to me about our relationship. We had a nice meal and some wine and then she started. "I think we need to decide in what direction our relationship is going." "I feel we are at a crossroads: one path leads to hardship and commitment but, ultimately, to happiness and joy; the other, well, it just leads to a dead end." She paused. "So what do you say?"

I thought about it for a while and then replied, "That's not a crossroads, you silly cow, that's a T-Junction"
Two queers having a day at the zoo.
As they pass the gorilla's cage, one of them notices that the silverback has a huge erection.
"Do you think he would mind if I touched it?" says one.
"Try it," says his mate.
He puts his hand through the bars and is promptly grabbed by the gorilla, who pulls him into the cage, throws him to the ground and shags the living daylights out of him.
A week later he gets a hospital visit from his fellow uphill gardener.
"Does it hurt?" asks his mate.
"Of course it fucking hurts, he hasn't called me once, he hasn't fucking written............"