Hillary Clinton Jokes

Bill Clinton, Hilary Clinton, and Al Gore were in an aeroplane that crashed. They're up in heaven, and God's sitting on the great white throne. God addresses Al first.

"Al, what do you believe in?"

Al replies, "Well, I believe that the combustion engine is evil and that we need to save the world from CFCs and that, if any more freon is used, the whole earth will become a greenhouse and we'll all die."

God thinks for a second and says, "Okay, I can live with that. Come and sit at my left."

God then addresses Bill. "Bill, what do you believe in?"

Bill replies, "Well, I believe in power to the people. I think people should be able to make their own choices about things and that no-one should ever be able to tell someone else what to do. I also believe in feeling people's pain."

God thinks for a second and says, "Okay, that sounds good. Come and sit at my right."

God then address Hilary. "Hilary, what do you believe in?"

"I believe you're in my chair."
Bill and Hillary Clinton were celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary. They both agreed to tell each other any secrets they had been hiding on this day. Hillary asked the first question. "Bill, I want to know if you have ever had an affair."

Bill reluctantly replies, "Yes, I have, and it wasn't just the once."

Hillary was very shocked and said, "When was all this?"

Bill says, "Well, as you will no doubt remember, there was Monica Lewinsky in '98"

Hillary replies, "That's not a big surprise, though, but when else did you cheat on me then?"

Bill replies, "Well, do you remember in '08 when you won the Democratic presidential campaign, despite being 200 votes down....?"
Hillary for President

Hillary Clinton gets elected President and is spending her first night in the White House.
The ghost of George Washington appears, and Hillary says, "How can I best serve my country?"
Washington says, "Never tell a lie."
Ouch! Says Hillary, I don't know about that.
The next night, the ghost of Thomas Jefferson appears...
Hillary says, "How can I best serve my country?"
Jefferson says, "Listen to the people."
Ohhh! I really don't want to do that.
On the third night, the ghost of Abe Lincoln appears...
Hillary says, "How can I best serve my country?"
Lincoln says, "Go to the theater."
Hillary Clinton says she's the most qualified to become President because she was married to a president for eight years. Now let me ask you, if a brain surgeon quit his job, would everyone in the operating room say, "Wait, let's get his wife."

[Chris Rock modified]
Chelsea Clinton had been on a date so Hillary asked her if she had a good time.

Chelsea said she had a wonderful time and thinks she's in love.

Hillary said, "You didn't have sex, did you"?

Chelsea said, "Not according to Dad."