Royalty Jokes

It's the day of Prince Edward's wedding. He and Sophie are having a wonderful time, but beneath the smiles and celebrations, Sophie appears to be in pain.

Edward notices and asks her what's wrong.

"Well it's these shoes", she says, "I'm sure they sent me the wrong ones. They must be at least 2 sizes two small!"

"Never mind", he replies, "The reception will be over soon and we can head back to the room and take them off".

Sure enough, the reception draws to a close and after the guests have gone, Edward and Sophie make their way towards their bedroom, little knowing that they have been followed by the rest of the royal family, who press their ears against the door to get a good listen.

Sophie collapses on the bed and Edward, looking at her shoes, says "Right! you've waited long enough - let's get these off straight away"

There's about 5 minutes of grunting and moaning, followed by a loud sigh of relief from Sophie.

"Bloody hell! That was tight!", exclaims Edward.

Outside the door, The Queen whispers to Prince Philip. "See! I told you she was still a virgin!"

Back inside, Edward looks at the other shoe.
"Right! Now let's have a go at the other one"

5 more minutes of grunting and moaning occur, followed by another loud groan from Sophie. "Christ! That one was even tighter!", says Edward.

"That's my boy!", whispers Prince Philip with a tear in his eye, "Once a sailor, always a sailor!"
Where do you live?

Council tax revaluers want to charge us more if we live in a nice area. That ought to mean discounts for those of us who live in rough areas. We have a huge council house in our street. The extended family is run by a grumpy old woman with a pack of fierce dogs. Her car isn't taxed or insured, and doesn't even have a number plate, but the police still do nothing.

Her bad tempered old man is famous for upsetting foreigners with racist comments. A shopkeeper blames him for ordering the murder of his son and his son's girlfriend, but nothing has been proved yet.

All their kids have broken marriages except the youngest, who everyone thought was gay. Two grandsons are meant to be in the Army but are always seen out in nightclubs.

The family's odd antics are always in the papers. They are out of control. Honestly - who'd live near Windsor Castle ?