Vladimir Putin Jokes
Russian President Vladimir Putin has been nominated for a Nobel prize in Medicine for his work on clinical depression.
Apparently he can predict who will commit suicide the next week in London by just picking up his phone.
I see the Russian army is now conducting drills on Finland's border.
Or as Putin calls it, "window shopping."
Putin: It's too early to decide if I will run for re-election in 2018.
But not too early to decide the results.
To commemorate World War One in 2014:
The French - Are erecting a statue in each village
The Germans - Are lowering their flags each day
The British - Are having a season of programmes on the BBC
The Russians - Cordially invite you to World War 3 commencing in the Ukraine
I see Vladimir Putin says his divorce was amicable.
It must have been. She's still alive.
I'm having a great time at the Winter Olympics in Sochi and I've just had the honour of playing poker with the one and only Vladimir Putin.
You should have seen his fucking face when I beat him with a pair of queens.
I've just seen that a group of parents in Russia have asked Vladimir Putin to have an Elton John concert cancelled.
They're complaining that he promotes a homosexual lifestyle, and they say they don't want to see gay people on stage.
Instead they want it to be replaced with a performance by the Bolshoi Ballet.
The Kremlin has announced that all swear words will be banned from TV/radio/cinema in Russia from the 1st of July.
It seems Vladimir Putin will go to any length to prevent someone calling him a cunt!
Speculation was rife as to why Vladimir Putin has been missing for the last 10 days.
Turns out he had the flu.
That's what happens when you fight cold wars.
I was appalled to see Vladimir Putin and Sepp Blatter sitting next to each other at the World Cup final. Football should not allow a corrupt dictator who rigs elections to attend such a prestigious event.
Even if he is the president of FIFA. 3