Assault Jokes

This is yet to be confirmed by scientists, but there are rumours that women have a certain 'spot', and if you hit this spot at exactly the right strength, it will make a woman willing to do anything for you.

It's called the face.
Met a girl in the park last night and there was an instant spark between us, a definite connection, she fell at my feet.

These taser guns are well worth the money.
I went for a self-defence class last night.
The instructor said, "I want you to take me by surprise and attack me."
So, when I saw him in Sainsbury's the next day, I threw a tin of beans at his head.
I've just been given a six months suspension from football.

I caught an opponent with a tackle which actually broke both his legs. I'll admit the tackle was a bit late.

He was getting into his car at the time.