Assault Jokes

This is yet to be confirmed by scientists, but there are rumours that women have a certain 'spot', and if you hit this spot at exactly the right strength, it will make a woman willing to do anything for you.

It's called the face.
Met a girl in the park last night and there was an instant spark between us, a definite connection, she fell at my feet.

These taser guns are well worth the money.
I've just read that actor Orlando Bloom punched Justin Bieber last night, during an argument at a nightclub in Spain.

Orlando complained that his hand was pretty sore today.

Apparently the entire nightclub had queued up to high-five him.
I went for a self-defence class last night.
The instructor said, "I want you to take me by surprise and attack me."
So, when I saw him in Sainsbury's the next day, I threw a tin of beans at his head.
I've just been given a six months suspension from football.

I caught an opponent with a tackle which actually broke both his legs. I'll admit the tackle was a bit late.

He was getting into his car at the time.