My wife, being unhappy with my mood swings, bought me one of these mood rings so she could monitor my mood.
We discovered that, when I am in a good mood, it turns green and, when I am in a bad mood, it leaves a big fucking red mark on her forehead.
The missus came home steaming drunk last night.
"You up for some role play action, babe?" she asked with a wink.
"Not really," I replied.
"Oh, come on," she said. "We can act out ANY scene, from ANY film you want."
Walking over to her with a huge smile on my face, I noticed her expression change. She had realised her mistake, however it was too late. Where I had previously seen arousal in her eyes, I now saw only blind terror...
As I shouted, "THIS... IS... SPARTA!" and kicked her down the stairs.
There was once a pair of high school sweethearts. When they graduated, they wanted to go to the same college but the girl was accepted to a college on the east coast, and the guy went to the west coast. They agreed to be faithful to each other and spend any time they could together.
As time went on, the guy would call the girl and she would never be home, and when he wrote, she would take weeks to return the letters. Even when he emailed her, she took days to return his messages.
Finally, she confessed to him she wanted to date around. He didn't want to do this and increased his calls, letters, and emails trying to win back her love. Because she became annoyed, and now had a new boyfriend, she wanted to get him off her back.
So, what she did is this: she took a Polaroid picture of her giving her new boyfriend a blow job and sent it to her old boyfriend with a note reading, ''I found a new boyfriend, leave me alone.''
Well, needless to say, this guy was heartbroken but, even more so, was pissed. So...he wrote on the back of the photo: ''Dear Mom and Dad, having a great time at college, please send more money!'' and mailed the picture to her parents.