I'm not a fan of anal sex with dead people anymore.
In fact, I only did it once in a blue moon.
After years of deception, I decided to finally try being truthful with my wife. "Darling," I began, "I sometimes dream of having anal sex with our daughter."
"Over my dead fucking body!" she screamed.
Apparently, she knows me better than I thought.
When I woke up this morning the wife was cold, blue and didn't appear to be breathing.
I called NHS 24 and the woman on the phone said "Have you tried doing anything yet? "
"Just a bit of doggy" I replied
I've had sex with about 31 women in my life, and not one has had an orgasm.
I really need to stop killing them first.
I think my wife's been cheating on me with an undertaker.
I could swear her clothes were on when she died.
I love to do jobs in my basement.
I hope nobody realises that Steve's coffin is empty.
This guy in my office thought he was being so funny when he said he fucked my mum. So I responded by saying I fucked his nan.
At this point he became rather upset and explained he has recently buried his nan. To which I simply replied "no wonder she wasn't very talkative then".
I like my girls like I like my ice cream: fresh out of the freezer.
I got the sack today just for giving someone mouth to mouth.
I'm going to miss working at the morgue.
Is it still technically "Rape" if she's dead?
(I'd hate to think I was breaking the law).