"Did you know that making a girl laugh is the second best way to get a girl into bed?" I asked my date.
"Really?" she asked. "What's the first?"
"A big fuck off knife!" I replied.
"Ha-ha, you're funny," she said.
"Well done, you've made a sensible choice."
I'm the world's worst rapist.
I was stalking this girl in the park. I had my handkerchief already soaked in chloroform, when suddenly she turned and looked at me. I nonchalantly pretended to blow my nose.......and woke up an hour later slumped over a park bench.