Rape Jokes

If Harry Potter's so clever, why hasn't he put the magic potion, Rohypnolus Rapeum, into Hermione's drink?

Gay bastard.
As a struggling actor I was thrilled when my agent phoned with an audition.

"The part's made for you," he said. "They want someone your age, height and build with an accent like yours, and it's being filmed about 5 minutes from your house."

"It sounds perfect!" I replied excitedly. "What is it?"

"It's a Crimewatch rape reconstruction."

"Erm... No... I'm busy that day..."
"Did you know that making a girl laugh is the second best way to get a girl into bed?" I asked my date.
"Really?" she asked. "What's the first?"
"A big fuck off knife!" I replied.
"Ha-ha, you're funny," she said.
"Well done, you've made a sensible choice."
I'm the world's worst rapist.
I was stalking this girl in the park. I had my handkerchief already soaked in chloroform, when suddenly she turned and looked at me. I nonchalantly pretended to blow my nose.......and woke up an hour later slumped over a park bench.
As I followed the girl down the alleyway, I approached her from behind.

Throwing her to the ground - breaking two of her ribs, I forcefully removed her knickers and raped her brutally while holding my knife to her neck.

"You tell anyone about this, and I'll hunt you down you worthless slut," I said pulling up my jeans.

"Cut! You've taken this too far," said the Crime Watch reconstruction director.
I was shagging this German girl last night. She didn't speak much English, but I think she wanted me to try out some more adventurous positions.

I mean I've heard of a sixty-nine, but what sort of position is a nine nine nine nine nine?