Smuggling Jokes

Juan comes up to the Mexican border on his bicycle. He's got two large bags over his shoulders. The guard stops him and says, "What's in the bags?"
"Sand," answered Juan.

The guard says, "We'll just see about that. Get off the bike." The guard detains Juan overnight and has the sand analyzed, only to discover that there is nothing but pure sand in the bags. He releases Juan and lets him cross the border.

A week later, the same thing happens. The guard asks, "What's in the bags?"

"Sand," says Juan.

The guard does his thorough examination and discovers that the bags contain nothing but sand. He gives the sand back to Juan, and Juan crosses the border on his bicycle.

This sequence of events is repeated every day for three years. Finally, Juan doesn't show up one day and the guard meets him in a Cantina in Mexico.

"Hey, Buddy," says the guard, "I know you are smuggling something. It's driving me crazy. It's all I think about...Just between you and me, what are you smuggling?"

Juan sips his beer and says, "Bicycles."
I knew my new girlfriend was meant for me when she told me she takes it up the arse.

So far she's helped me smuggle over £50,000 worth of Columbian cocaine into the country.
A young boy came into my shop and asked for a packet of condoms today.

Giggling, I asked, "Will this be your first time?"

He replied, "No, I've smuggled drugs loads of times."
4 Weeks ago I was rushed into hospital.
When I got into A & E my Dad arrived by my side,
Just before I slipped into a Coma, he whispered to me...
" you are only here because the condom split"

This in itself was traumatic enough,

But when I woke up 3 weeks later and found out that it had A Kilo of Heroine in it I was furious.
An Indian gentleman was trying to smuggle an elephant through customs, the elephant had a slice of bread in each ear, the officer says ''Good morning sir, anything to declare?'' the man says ''oh no, nothing at all sir''....''well what about that then?'' he said pointing to the elephant... he says ''please sir, whatever I put in my sandwiches has nothing to do with you!''
My wife and I were on holiday and after a few sambucas and hours of persuasion she finally agreed to take it up the arse.

I'm so relieved, there was no way I could only bring back 200 Bensons.