BBC News today:
A 4-year-old boy has memorised virtually every bus service in the capital.
Ishaal Yewale can tell you which bus route to take, day or night.
His father, Jayant, says that Ishaal's always been fascinated with public transport and has been reading bus maps for the past eight months.
Is anyone suspicious of this or am I just paranoid?
I phoned the Islamic Samaritans today.
When I said I was feeling suicidal they got all excited and asked if I knew how to fly a plane.
Wow, Charlie Hebdo has increased its sales from sixty thousand to over three million!
I wonder if they are looking for staff...
Just visited a Paris restaurant.
I went in for some snails and came out with a gut full of slugs.
Me and the lads at work were having a great laugh today drawing caricatures of Mohammed, but Akhmed didn't join in. He said he'll be back tomorrow with something to blow us all away.
It must be a cracking drawing if he's working overnight on it.
It is very true when people say that the Woolwich murderers only represent a very small proportion of muslims who live in the UK.
They could speak English for a start.
If you blow up Mecca, do Muslims spin around like a broken compass?
In my first week at work, I've called someone a cunt, spat in their face, stamped on their hand, smeared them with excrement and threatened to kill their family.
The CIA have already given me a pay rise.
Don't worry about porn, it's more likely your kid will accidentally see a beheading.
In a statement, ISIS have confirmed that the three missing girls are indeed on the way to them in Syria.
However, they have laughed at the media for assuming they are travelling to become ISIS Brides.
A spokesman for ISIS said, "How stupid is your western media? Firstly they are too old to be brides, secondly they come from Bethnal Green, so they are actually coming to teach weapons handling"