BBC News today:
A 4-year-old boy has memorised virtually every bus service in the capital.
Ishaal Yewale can tell you which bus route to take, day or night.
His father, Jayant, says that Ishaal's always been fascinated with public transport and has been reading bus maps for the past eight months.
Is anyone suspicious of this or am I just paranoid?
I phoned the Islamic Samaritans today.
When I said I was feeling suicidal they got all excited and asked if I knew how to fly a plane.
It is very true when people say that the Woolwich murderers only represent a very small proportion of muslims who live in the UK.
They could speak English for a start.
If you blow up Mecca, do Muslims spin around like a broken compass?
I hate living with this fear of not knowing if you're going to be attacked, stabbed, even killed for reasons and beliefs that are totally beyond us.
As a bad flier, shortly after take-off I was so nervous I suddenly needed a piss. I also wanted a brandy to settle my nerves.
Sweating, I left my seat and started up the aisle. "Is there anything you need, sir?" asked a stewardess.
"...a...a loo and a bar," I stammered.
And that's when they all jumped on me.
It's rumoured that when Islamic suicide bombers pass to the other side, they are rewarded with 72 virgins.
Must be one for every piece of them.
The council charge £11.99 to come and remove an old sofa and dispose of it.
Placed a few pieces of wire under the seat, and the army did it for free.
Got to love the threat of terrorism.
So, a terror suspect has managed to evade police by walking into a mosque, changing into a burka and walking straight past police waiting outside.
That's like bank robbers getting away by walking into the bank completely undisguised, then leaving in a fucking balaclava.
Let's have a vote.
Put your hands up if you like taunting Abu Hamza.