Theft Jokes

I don't understand Dragons Den.

Surely if you're looking for a large amount of money for investment, you would simply steal it from the tables sitting in front of you?
I probably shouldn't have driven home from the pub last night...

Especially as I fucking walked there in the first place.
Harry is visiting his grandma. She complains about the high cost of living. "When I was a girl, you could go out with a shilling and come back home with a dozen eggs, two pints of milk, a pound of bacon, half a pound of tea and a fresh chicken."
"Yes," says Harry, "that's inflation for you."
"It's nothing to do with inflation," says grandma, "it's all them fucking CCTV cameras they have nowadays."