Birthday Jokes

I asked my wife what she wanted for her birthday. She said, "Nothing would make me happier than diamond earrings."

So I got her nothing.
My Bastard little Son wants a Transformer for his birthday.

Don't get me wrong, it's not the money, I can pick one up at Jewsons for about £50.

It's just that the little cunt is only 7,

What the fuck does he have that runs on 110v
I decided to get my nephew a puppy for his birthday. As a surprise I decided to put it in a box, wrap it & put a bow on top to disguise the actual gift.
Top tip: make sure the dog isn't inside when putting air holes in the box with a screw driver.
My nephew was over the moon with his new remote control car.