Marks And Spencers new advert states that it wouldn't be Christmas without M&S.
They're right too. It'd be Chrita.
Why is Santa Claus always smiling?
Because he knows where all the bad girls live.
When I was a child, I remember lying with my eyes closed waiting for Santa to come.
Then there was the awkward silence as he got dressed and left.
Imagine my joy when I was getting out the Christmas decorations and found a present I forgot to give my kids last year. Their excited faces were a picture as they unwrapped it and opened the box.
Such a pity it was a puppy.
Great news guys!
After its annual day-off, the DFS sale starts again tomorrow.
Did you hear about the Jewish paedophile Santa Claus?
He comes down the chimney and says, "Hi kids! Do you want to buy some presents?"
I went to the garden centre today and bought a Christmas Tree. The assistant asked me, "Will you be putting that up yourself?"
I replied, "No, you sick fuck. I'll be putting it up in my living room."
I love this time of year. You can slam your laptop shut when your girlfriend walks into the room and you don't get any disgusted looks.
I got one of those Dyson Ball Cleaners for Christmas.
Unfortunately, I misunderstood what it was, which is why I'm now in casualty...
At my local community centre there is a picture of Santa, only he's black.
Made me wonder why they decided to make him black.
Then I realised...he only works one day a year and he breaks into peoples houses.
All the hallmarks really.