New Year Jokes

New Year's resolution- Date more models.

Revised- Date more.

Revised again- Get a date.

Revised one last time- Stop crying whilst masturbating.
I hope my New Year's Eve night out will be better than last year, when I got arrested in Bradford.
I tried to explain it was a misunderstanding. If I see a Paki counting down from ten, my immediate reaction is to punch the cunt before he can hit the detonator.
After watching all the hundreds of tons of fireworks on the telly on new years eve, in my excitement I forgot to turn off the standby button on the TV.
Hope I haven't increased my carbon footprint too much.