??? Other Jokes

So October becomes stoptober, give up smoking month and some bright spark has decided that we should give up drinking as well for the month. We only need to be told to try and give up bacon and there it is.

Ramadan by stealth.
"Excuse me sir, could you give up your seat please?" said the bus driver, as a pregnant girl got on.

"No way, she should have fucked someone with a car"
Judas looked at the piece of stale bread that was offered with dismay. Then the foul smell of the bitter wine.

"Is there anything wrong Judas?" Asked Jesus,

"Well Jesus," Replied Judas, " I don't know what the rest of the lads think, but whoever organized this piss up wants fucking crucifying."
I'm really looking forward to getting home tonight, switching on the telly and getting a good 12 hours entertainment during the Children In Need marathon.

I've bought the Die Hard box-set.