My girlfriend asked, "Do you want to get married?"
I said, "Sure."
She said, "Great, when?"
I said, "Well, like every other guy: when I meet the right girl."
You should never start a best man speech with "I remember the first time I fucked the bride." Everyone was looking at me with disgust.
Still, happiest day of my life seeing my daughter get married.
Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, "Why is the bride dressed in white?"
"Because white is the colour of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life," her mother tried to explain, keeping it simple.
The child thought for a moment, and then said, "So why's the groom wearing black?"
I felt a bit fed up today so to cheer myself up I watched my wedding video backwards.
I love the end bit where I take my ring off, go back down the aisle, jump in the car and fuck off.
My bride looked absolutely beautiful standing at the altar with a tear running down her cheek.
My mate's getting married next week. I text him yesterday and jokingly asked,
"So then mate, how many bridesmaids will i be shagging on saturday then ;)"
"Sorry mate but the only bridesmaids are Sarah's 6 year old niece, my 10 year old god daughter and her baby sister!"
I really couldn't give a shit about this wedding on Friday and will be having fuck all to do with it.
My fiancée will be devastated.
Just been reading about purity rings and I thought:
"A ring that says you will be together but not have sex"
Isn't that a wedding ring?
I'm sure many of us around the UK watched the wedding of the century.
I'm so happy Adam and Jane from the BT adverts have finally tied the knot.
If you pause the royal wedding at just the right time, you get a still image of the sexiest thing in Britain...
Twenty choir boys, all with their mouths open.