My girlfriend asked, "Do you want to get married?"
I said, "Sure."
She said, "Great, when?"
I said, "Well, like every other guy: when I meet the right girl."
You should never start a best man speech with "I remember the first time I fucked the bride." Everyone was looking at me with disgust.
Still, happiest day of my life seeing my daughter get married.
Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, "Why is the bride dressed in white?"
"Because white is the colour of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life," her mother tried to explain, keeping it simple.
The child thought for a moment, and then said, "So why's the groom wearing black?"
My bride looked absolutely beautiful standing at the altar with a tear running down her cheek.
I felt a bit fed up today so to cheer myself up I watched my wedding video backwards.
I love the end bit where I take my ring off, go back down the aisle, jump in the car and fuck off.