I was on the plane to Spain with my mate, then he showed me his brand new iPhone.
I said, "That must have cost a bomb."
I really regret saying that now.
My cat went completely insane when I told him he was adopted.
I spelled it out with a laser pointer.
I was out to dinner with my wife last night, when I leaned in and whispered,
"I've gone commando",
"Oh my god!" she whispered back "You've got no pants on?"
"Don't be fucking stupid woman!" I said "I've been shagging the maid".
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