Similar Jokes

I paid a hundred quid to join one of those fuck buddy dating sites, it's a bit of a lottery as most of the woman don't show their face.

When my date arrived it turns out it was my wife "Oh for fucks sake," I shouted "You didn't pay a hundred quid as well?"
My wife was moaning this evening about all the weight she's going to put on over Christmas.

"If I put on any more, I'll have to call myself a BBW," she said.

"Oh god, you'll never be one of those," I said.

"Really? You don't think I'll be that big?"

"Of course you will," I said, "I just meant you'll never be beautiful."
I met a girl on one of those online dating websites and took her out for a date last night. I specifically remembered that she had written in her profile, "I just love guys who can take me out on a night I'll never forget ;)".

So I raped her.
The Chilean Miners Union released a statement today stating

'A small hole, usually there for the emission of noxious gasses has been accessed. A large tool will now be inserted into the passage and drilled vigorously. This will result in the hole widening in diameter. Fluids should be able to be left in the hole to keep up the spirits of the men involved. In time, it is hoped that the main shaft will be accessed by reaching around the rear passage, bringing a smile to the face of the men, and ultimately relief via a small explosion'

British Foreign secretary William Hague welcomed the news, and quickly boarded the first flight to Santiago.