Similar Jokes

So here i am, in Haiti, helping out with the search and rescue teams after the disastrous earthquake.

I've got my ear to the ground, and i think i can hear the faint cries of help coming from under this demolished school.

maybe it's some poor innocent haitian children, hoping that help will come and save them before it's too late.

I know what to do.

A few more rocks piled over this hole should help blank out any sounds.

Job done.
So here I am in the Internet Cafe with the biggest fucking nigger I've ever seen reading every word I ty

But it's alright it was only Audley Harrison
So here I am in the internet cafe with the fattest fucking American I've ever seen watching every word I type.
Lucky for me McDonald's are having a 2 for 1 sale on Big Macs.
Yeah.Thought so,
He's gone.
So here I am in the dark, pants halfway down my legs, the cold touch pulsing through my arse, the humiliation devouring me.

I really hate taking a shit in these public toilets.
John invited his mother over for dinner. During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but noticing how beautiful John's room-mate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between John and his room-mate, and this had only made her more curious.

Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between John and his room-mate than met the eye. Reading his mum's thoughts, John volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you Julie and I are just room-mates."

About a week later, Julie came to John saying, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver gravy ladle. You don't suppose she took it, do you?"

John said, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll write her a letter just to be sure."

So he sat down and wrote: "Dear Mother, I'm not saying that you 'did' take the gravy ladle from my house, I'm not saying that you 'did not' take the gravy ladle but the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner."

Several days later, John received a letter from his mother which read:

"Dear Son, I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Julie, and I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with Julie. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now. Love, Mum."

Lesson of the day ...Never Lie to Your Mother
If people on Jeremy Kyle can have multiple sexual partners and play people off against one another, why the fuck am I sat here on Pornhub, in my own filth, with the only thing I can mess with being myself?
So, here I am, at the traffic lights. My motorbike is covered in baby hens, crafty salesman, selling the crappy thing to me as a 'chick magnet'
I woke up this morning laying naked, hand cuffed to a bed.

The bird I had pulled last night gave me some of the best sex I'd ever had.

But I wasn't quick enough to disable her rape alarm, so here I am in a small dirty prison cell.