Similar Jokes

I can't believe how thick the snow is out there.

I asked a snowman for the time and he just stared at me.
As you take delight in the entertainment provided by Children In Need, please remember the real cause behind the whole night. In this country, there are many children who suffer due to a variety of horrendous reasons. It is the aim of Children In Need to raise money for these innocent victims of their surroundings.

For example, in the South of England, there is a small child in a state that most of us would find utterly intolerable. He was born with serious health problems. He is blind, has severe learning difficulties and has trouble even trying to walk. In addition, a rare problem means that his condition is unstable and he constantly puts on weight due to no fault of his own. To make matters worse, he was born into a fatherless home. His dad ran off after disputing his biological connection to the child because the mother is known as being very promiscuous. She is often called a "slut" and she does not appear to be interested in his well being either. In fact, she is known to go out nearly every night and has even been pictured taking drugs. She has had children with other men and this has resulted in her neglecting her eldest child even more. At the moment, it is believed that the mother is out of the country.

Please, pick up the phone tonight and dial the number on your screen. By donating just five pounds, thousands of children like Harvey can be helped.
A man is walking along a country road when he sees a truck-sized hole in the middle of the road the hole is so dark he cannot see the bottom, intrigued he picks up a pebble and drops it down the hole to see how deep it is.

The man is sitting there for a while and he doesn't hear the pebble reach the bottom so he rolls a nearby boulder down it.

While he is sitting next to the hole (waiting for the boulder to reach the bottom), a Bull suddenly runs around the corner and charges towards the man, he dives out of the way a second before the bull reaches him and it falls down the hole.

Just as the man is staring at the hole in disbelief a Farmer taps him on the shoulder:

"Have you seen a Bull nearby?" the Farmer asks

"No I haven't" the man replies (somewhat embarrassed about the fact that the Bull has just fallen down the hole)

"Oh...well it should be around here somewhere, you see I tied it to this great big boulder" the Farmer replied
To the tune of 'Winter Wonderland'

Lacy things -- the wife is missin',
Didn't ask -- her permission,
I'm wearin' her clothes,
Her silk pantyhose,
Walkin' 'round in women's underwear.

In the store -- there's a teddy,
Little straps -- like spaghetti,
It holds me so tight,
Like handcuffs at night,
Walkin' 'round in women's underwear.

In the office there's a guy named Melvin,
He pretends that I am Murphy Brown.

He'll say, "Are you ready?" I'll say,"Whoa, Man!"
"Let's wait until our wives are out of town!"

Later on, if you wanna,
We can dress -- like Madonna,
Put on some eyeshade,
And join the parade,
Walkin' 'round in women's underwear!

Lacy things... missin',
Didn't ask... permission,
Wearin' her clothes,
Her silk pantyhose,
Walkin' 'round in women's underwear.

Walkin' 'round in women's underwear,
Walkin' 'round in women's underwear!
Apparently young women in South America are fond of anal sex, as it allows them to remain "technical virgins" while still enjoying physical pleasures. This is because religion, which forbids pre-marital sex, is a very big deal in their culture.

Anyway, I'm not sure how the internet connection is out there, so this could be my last post. Not that I'm gonna care.
My son just came running into the house screaming.

"What's the matter?" I said "Calm down, and tell me what's happened."

"They've been taking all the snow out of our garden so they can build a snowman, and we'll have none left." he cried.

"Son. The snow is 6 inches thick. It's going to be like this for the next week. Now go out and play with your mates."

"But dad it's Jamal and all his brothers."

"Right! Where is the thieving little shit?"