I'm so worried about ID theft that I've changed my name to Lance Armstrong...
Nobody wants to be that cunt right now
I hear in the local paper last week that our church has found a replacement vicar since our last one moved to Australia
So I turned up at Sunday morning service to have a gander (Not that I usually go to church) and it turns out our new vicar is black
I sat through the whole service thinking "Holy Shit"
My favorite sexual position is the American invasion of Afghanistan.
I rush in with all guns blazing then shoot my load and retreat before being told I got the wrong hole
I've discovered that Miley Cyrus has got a song where she quotes: "Who said, who said I can't be president"
Well to be honest Miley, Now's your chance because I've heard they're even accepting niggers these days
Surely its legal to rape a psychic as it's their fault that they are in the wrong place at the wrong time...
I've got to go to my brother's wedding in 4 weeks.
Does anyone know any good sites with techniques on how to get ripped by then?
Just seen that Arsenal and Chelsea have got relatively easy draws in the FA cup but I couldn't find who Man United drew?
I didn't know that getting married automatically enters you into the "grow-your-own annoying, lazy, fucking bitch of a wife competition"
Earlier on I used Internet Explorer's InPrivate feature for a wank using my sisters laptop
A new screen opened with the writing: "InPrivate is turned on"
Woah, slow down mate... I haven't even got my cock out yet
Im so sorry about our argument last night, I hate it when we disagree and fight. My world is nothing without you, everyday I think about you and love you more and more. I wish I could just hold your hand and kiss you all the time and then have passionate sex whilst watching casulty...
...anyway suppose i should get back to the main reason im writing this... Happy Mother's Day Mum xxx 100