Similar Jokes

So I got chatting to this girl in the club last night and things were starting to really heat up. Close to the end of the night she whispered in my ear "Do you have protection?"

Perhaps replying with "Of course, Norton Anti-Virus - I'm not a fucking mug. Especially with the type of porn I download, I'm surprised my computer doesn't have an STD!" wasn't the correct response.
I was with a girl in a club last night and it started to get a little bit steamy.

I whispered in her ear, "Have you ever been so wet you felt helpless?"

She replied with a little wink as she slowly moved her hand up my pants, "Yeah baby, I'm feeling like that right now".

I said, "Well I hope not, I've just pissed my pants".
I got chatting to a girl in the club last night and I think she may have a fetish for dried fruit.

She told me if I gave her a few dates she might be free.
I was chatting with a girl in a club last night, she said "Have you any plans for the future?"

"I could see myself shagging you in front of a mirror later." I replied.
A fit blonde walked over to me in a club last night, "What do you do for a living?" she asked.

"Accounting specialist," I said.

"Wow!" she replied, "What can you go up to?"
I walked over to a girl in the club last night, plonked my straw in her drink and took a massive sip.

"Disgusting," I said screwing up my face and giving her a look of disgust. "Gin....Urgh."

"Well you shouldn't steal other peoples drinks then!" she snapped.

"I'm sorry," I replied, "But what the fuck has that got to do with your hair colour?"
I was hitting on a girl in a club last night but it wasn’t going well
“Which part of ‘FUCK OFF’ do you not understand?” she shouted.

“Well obviously ‘U’, yer frigid, rug-munching, hag” I retorted

As a comeback it wasn’t particularly witty or clever but its always nice to settle the score and walk away with one’s dignity intact.