A husband and wife get married young and, on their honeymoon, the wife discovers something quirky about her husband: he refuses to make love with the lights on. This doesn't really bother her so she decides to just let it go and accept her husband's quirks.
Years pass and the husband still remains adamant about keeping the lights off, and the wife starts wondering why this could be. She finally decides to do something about it and, one night, in the middle of a tryst, she turns on the bedside lamp. She looks down and sees her husband holding a flesh textured, much larger than regular, dildo.
"How could you have been lying to me all these years?" she yells at him.
The husband looks straight back at her and answers, "Honey, you shouldn't get upset."
"Shouldn't get upset? how can you possibly explain this?"
"Okay, tell you what: I'll explain this if you explain the children."
A bloke is playing golf when he gets a ball right in the groin. In agony, he falls to the ground. Later, at the doctor's office, he asks, "How bad is it, doc? Because I'm getting married next week and my fiancée is still a virgin."
The doctor says, "I'll have to put your manhood in a splint to let it heal and keep it straight. It should be OK in about two weeks."
Then the doctor takes four tongue depressors and forms a neat little four-sided splint, and wires it together. It's an impressive work of art.
But the man doesn't mention this to his fiancée and they marry. On their honeymoon night, his new wife opens her blouse to reveal a gorgeous set of breasts and tells him, "You'll be the first. No one has ever touched these before."
Determined to outdo his wife, the new husband drops his pants and says, "Well, check this out - it's still in its crate!"
A man and his wife went into hospital to get an ultrasound scan on their unborn child. After some scanning by the midwife, she announces, "And there is it's head." The couple look delighted, and after further inspection the nurse again exclaims, "And there is the other!"
"Oh my god..." screams the woman, "twins?!", but the midwife shakes her head looking puzzled.
The husband looks increasingly uncomfortable, and finally he speaks to his wife...
"I probably should have told you this earlier, but I'm kind of your brother."
A young couple got married and left on their honeymoon. When they got back, the bride immediately called her mother. Her mother asked, "How was the honeymoon?"
'Oh, mama,' she replied, 'the honeymoon was wonderful! So romantic...'
Suddenly she burst out crying. "But, mama, as soon as we returned he started using the most horrible language... things I'd never heard before! I mean, all these awful 4-letter words! You've got to come get me and take me home.... Please mama!"
Her mother said, "Calm down! Tell me, what could be so awful? What 4-letter words?"
Still sobbing, the bride said, "Oh, mama...words like DUST, WASH, IRON, COOK...!"
A man was so intent on marrying a virgin he came up with a test.
Over the years he took hundreds of girls to make out point. Each time he pulled out his dick and asked "Do you know what this is?" Each time the girls said "Sure, that's a dick"
The man would then promptly take them home and never talk to them again.
After 10 years he had all but given up hope. Then one day, after meeting a cute young librarian, and driving her to make point, he pulled his dick out asked, "Do you know what this is?"
The young girl said, "OH MY, I have no clue what that is."
So after a very short courtship, He and the librarian were married. That night on their honeymoon, he sat his nervous young bride on the bed, pulled out his dick and said to her, "This sweetheart is a dick."
To which she replied, "no it isn't honey, a dick is much much longer and its black"
"Hey baby, can you please stay in tonight?" asked my wife. "The local radio has said that there is a crazy man wearing a balaclava breaking into houses and brutally raping women at home on their own late at night".
"Stop worrying babe. No women is going to get raped on our street tonight" I answered.