I always dreamed of winning the lottery and living the life of luxury, free to indulge in my fantasies.
Then one day it happened and my life changed.
Now I always :-
Travel the world First Class on every airline,
Get picked up at airports by chauffer driven limousines,
Stay in the most expensive suites in the best hotels,
Go to the most select nightclubs,
Meet celebrities and politicians,
Drink the best drinks and use the best drugs,
and get to attend fabulous orgies with beautiful women,
I didn't win the lottery - I just got a job as Royal Protection Officer for Prince Harry.
My mate and I were walking through the local park, when we noticed a young gentleman with Down Syndrome struggling to negotiate a simple gate. He seemed to fail to understand the basic concept, and was stumbling everywhere.
My friend pointed out: "Woah have you seen that guy, he looks drunk!"
To which I responded with impeccable wit: "Ah yes, it looks like somebody's had one too many chromosomes."
Someone phoned me at work today and just made some fucked up groaning noises down the phone. I just hung up; that's the third time today it's happened.
I'm seriously thinking of quitting my job on the Down's Syndrome Hotline.