Four friends go on holiday to South Africa - one English, one American, one French and one Chinese. While out trekking in the countryside they find some gold in the ground. The Frenchman, a geologist, realises that they have stumbled across a rich seam, suitable for a new mine.
The American happens to be a billionaire, so he buys the land with an arrangement that they split the profits four ways - The Englishman is an engineer, so is put in charge of extraction. The Chinese man is involved in import and export so is put in charge of supplies. The Frenchman is a manager, so is put in charge with overseeing the whole operation.
A year later the American returns to see how his investment is going. First he goes to the main office to see how the Frenchman is doing.
"Well," he says, "we're getting some gold out, but there seem to be some problems with the extraction. You'd better go down and see."
So the American walks down to the mine, meets the Englishman emerging from the entrance and asks him how things are going.
"Well" he says, "my boys are fine, but the Chinese guy just isn't pulling his weight. Go down there and you'll see what I mean."
So he walks down into the mine. After a couple of hundred yards it's almost pitch black down there and he can't see or hear anyone. All of a sudden the Chinese guy jumps out from behind a pillar and shouts "Supplies!"
Two beggars in Rome are sitting side by side on a street. One has a cross in front of him; the other one the Star of David. Many people go by and look at both beggars, but only put money into the hat of the beggar sitting behind the cross.
A priest comes by, stops and watches throngs of people giving money to the beggar behind the cross, but none give to the beggar behind the Star of David. Finally, the priest goes over to the beggar behind the Star of David and says, "my poor fellow, don't you understand? This is a Catholic country; this city is the seat of Catholicism. People aren't going to give money if you sit there with a Star of David in front of you, especially when you're sitting beside a beggar who has a cross. In fact, they would probably give to him just out of spite."
The beggar behind the Star of David listened to the priest, turned to the other beggar with the cross and said, "Moishe, look who's trying to teach the Goldstein brothers about marketing."
Two guys are in a strip joint, one is sitting in front of the other.
a woman comes on stage and starts stripping.
they guy in back, paul, says, "oh yeah, oh yeah!"
then the first guy turns around and says "hey paul, shut up!"
two women come out and start stripping. paul once again starts "yeah baby mmm.. yeah!"
once again the guy in front turns around and says be quiet
so three women come out and start stripping
paul is silent
the guy in front says "hey paul, wheres all your exitment gone?"
paul says "all over your back!"
This girl was riding in a car with her boyfriend. She got bored and said, "Every time you speed up 5MPH, I'll take some clothes off."
Well, this went on for about 15 minutes until she was naked and he was going about 95MPH. They lost control of the car and crashed into a tree.
The guy was hurt pretty badly and his car door was crushed to the point where he couldn't open it. His naked girlfriend was fine and could get out of the car.
So, she took her boyfriend's shoe and put it in front of her beaver and covered her chest with her arm. She flagged down a car. Without thinking she said, "HELP MY BOYFRIEND IS STUCK AND HE CAN'T GET OUT!!"
The guy in the car looked at the shoe on her crotch and his eyes got really big. He said, "If he is that far in, he's not coming out!"