All those women who say they scoff at cheesy, sentimental pick-up lines are obviously hanging around the wrong men. For me, a simple "If you ever want to see your Mummy alive again.." works every time.
After recent complaints, the production company behind Jade Goody's new fitness video have stated that
"Loss of hair is not part of the exercise programme. We apologise for any inconvenience and to all those people who mistakenly shaved their own hair off"
I saw Arsene Wenger in a restaurant today and I felt compelled to go over and speak to him.
"Mr Wenger," I said, "Please don't listen to all those doubters who are questioning your footballing philosophy. You are, without question, the best thing that has ever happened to Arsenal, and I for one, hope you remain in charge for many years to come."
He thanked me for my kind words and we shook hands.
Silly cunt never questioned why I was wearing a Spurs shirt though.