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A good friend came up to me looking very pale. "My wife's got cancer. They don't think she's going to make it." "At least you'll be free of that bitch in a few months." "Please don't say things like that." "I was only joking, I'm sorry if I offended you." "Oh no, I just didn't want you to jinx it." |
 
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Joke
by buddy_millet in Sex and shit - Marriage - Added: 2 years, 8 months ago - Current Score: 917.6
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My best friend came up to me yesterday and said, "This is a photo of me when I was younger." I replied, "Every photo is of when you were younger." |
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Joke
submitted by donkeyjoker, originally by Mitch Hedberg in Other - Irony - Added: 4 years, 3 months ago - Current Score: 746.2
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Yesterday, my best friend came up to me and said "I wish I was dead." What a horrible thing to say. It should be "I wish I WERE dead." |
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Joke
by Teeth in Illness and mortality - Depression - Added: 3 years, 6 months ago - Current Score: 27
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My religious friend came up to me today, and started preaching about how casual sex is for the weak. I totally agree with him, I mean, I never keep any of my sexual partners for more than a week. |
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| My friend came up to me with a knife today, He said 'give me your phone and money', So i did, Only joking he wasnt my friend he was black. |
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My friend came up to me last night and said, "I can't wait for your fancy-dress party on New Years Eve. I'm coming as a giant cock and my girlfriend, Lisa, is coming as the balls. It's going to be hilarious". It certainly will be. I'm not having a fancy-dress party. |
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My friend came up to me and said "You have no idea how many powerful orgasms these hands are capable of giving women" "Really?" "Yes they are orgasm machines" "Oh I knew that, I just didn't know they were capable of giving them to other people" |
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Joke
by JokesAREcool in Sex and shit - Masturbation - Added: 1 year, 9 months ago - Current Score: 6.2
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My friend came up to me and said, "That bird you came with ... I think she's a he" I said, "What ... why?" He said, "Well when I was stood next to her at the urinal I could have sworn she had a fucking Adams apple" |
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Joke
by FantasticMrFucks in Sex and shit - Transvestite - Added: 1 year, 8 months ago - Current Score: 276.2
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My friend came up to me earlier, saying 'Did you hear? Dave has been knifed!' I said, 'That's forked up!' He frowned at me. 'Too spoon?' |
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Joke
submitted by musht, originally by cyanide and happiness in Other - Stupid - Added: 1 year, 6 months ago - Current Score: 5.4
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Yesterday my religious friend came up to me and said: "Every breath I take, a human being dies." "Trying some Listerine would be a start," I said. |
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