Similar Jokes

I was having sex with this girl the other night, and she was clearly faking her screams and moans just to please me.

She wasn't very convincing. I could tell she wasn't as scared as she was trying to make out.
I was having sex with a girl the other night in the dark and I kept getting really frustrated with her because she was shit.
So I said to her "look you have a tight minge and no tits' , she then replied in a muffled voice 'it would probably be better if I wasn't lying on my stomach'
I was in bed with this girl the other night when she said to me;

"I can tell that you are the type of guy that doesn't like giving women oral sex"

"Aw shit!" I said "you've got me. Was it my rubbish technique that gave it away?"

"No," she said "It was the Magic Tree that you stuck up my pussy".
Was fooling about with this girl the other night, and she asked me if I'd like to go "somewhere only we know"

"Bit Keane" I thought to myself.
I was with this girl the other night and we were kissing away when she told me 'Just so you know I don't do anal, I hate the thought of anything going in there.' So I said that was fine and we got back to kissing. I started to finger her and about a minute into it I slipped my finger into her arse. She slapped me and said 'I told you I don't like that!'

'I know' I said 'but I couldn't help it...I just love stirring up shit!'
Having sex with this bloke the other night, covered him in cream and licked it all off his hairy sweaty body before i let him start fucking my armpit. After that i took a massive shit on his chest and started eating it off and then he pissed in my mouth. To finish it i shoved some skittles up his arse and started sucking them back out...

Not the blue ones though, im not fucking sick.