You know you're American when:
50,000 handgun murders a year is OK but drinking at age 20 is not.
You have the 'world's best universities' such as Harvard, yet in some states literacy is 40%.
You're not up for oil in your seas but it's cool for an American company to release poisonous gasses and kill 15,000 Indians.
You like to live in the land of the 'Free' but 6 in 1000 people are currently in jail, and 17-year-olds can be put on Death Row.
Your idea of global peace is maintaining armed forces in 135 countries.
As the 'greatest nation on earth' only 18% of citizens have passports, and most who have ever been overseas were serving in the army.
You have more guns than people in your country.
Total defence spending is in excess of $1 trillion (!)
Your nuclear arsenal could wipe out the earth many times over.
It took your 'Land of the Free' almost 300 years to give equality.
Your presidents have lied, cheated, had affairs, started illegal wars, been bribed by big business and when one tries to give free medical care to the poor he is called a 'Communist'.
You cannot see the irony in arming the Taliban/Mujaheddin and giving them poppy (opium) seeds to help them fight the Russians, then proceeding to invade and get shot at by the same AK-47's that you gave to the 'terrorists' in the 80's.
The right to bear arms is more important than the right to free speech, as free speech 'helps terrorists'
Cannabis is illegal, yet the Constitution is written on hemp.
With 5,000 nuclear warheads operational, 140,000,000 ready armed forces men and women is still deemed neccessary.
You are the global pioneers in obesity, gun crime, class divisions and inequality, and also warfare.
13,000 people have been given the death penalty in your country's history, despite the constitution not mentioning it at all.
You felt the need, in times gone by, to make rugby 'exciting', and so invent 'American Football', and baseball from rounders/cricket, basketball from netball, but didn't bother to make golf any more extreme.
Marriage is a cornerstone of your society, but half of children witness their parents having a divorce before they turn 18.
Statistically your daughters would be more worried of becoming fat than nuclear war or cancer.
Your CO2 emissions are more than every LEDC country in the world's added together.
Basically, you know you're an American when your country makes about as much sense as electing a clinical retard as your commander-in-chief and entrusting him with the largest budget, army and economy in the world for 8 YEARS.
Just in case you are not aware of the effect that Northern Rocks problems is having on Japan's banks, I can confirm that Origami Bank has folded, Sumo Bank has gone belly up, Bonsai Bank is cutting its branches and trading in the Kamikaze Bank have ceased trading after its shares nose dived.
At the Karate Bank 500 employees have been given the chop.
Analysts also report that something fishy is happening at the Sushi Bank as customers are getting a raw deal.