With animals in his heart
"Oh bless, is he pleased to see me?" she giggled.
"No love, don't mind him!" I said. "It's just you're eating off his plate."
He then stopped by the feed store and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose.
However, struggling outside the store he now had a problem - how to carry his purchases home.
While he was scratching his head he was approached by a little old lady who told him she was lost.
She asked, "Can you tell me how to get to Mockingbird Lane?"
The farmer said, "Well, as a matter of fact, my farm is very close to that house. I would walk you there but I can't carry this lot."
The old lady suggested, "Why don't you put the can of paint in the bucket. Carry the bucket in one hand; put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand?"
"Why thank you very much," he said and proceeded to walk the old girl home.
On the way he said, "Let's take my short cut and go down this alley. We'll be there in no time."
The little old lady looked him over cautiously then said, "I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me. How do I know that when we get in the alley you won't hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and have your way with me?"
The farmer said, "Holy smoke lady! I'm carrying a bucket, a gallon of paint, two chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?"
The old lady replied, "Put the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the paint on top of the bucket, and I'll hold the chickens."
Until, I found out he was Muslim and it was part of his religion to do them things.
I didn't argue back, didn't want any disagreements.
He came running up to me earlier 'Dad look! I got nine out of ten in my spelling test today!'
'That's great', I said and had a look. 'However... This is a maths test, see there, where it says maths test? Also, you didn't get nine out of ten that's part of the first question, 'Write the fraction nine over ten as a percentage', and for the answer you wrote England. By the way England begins with an 'E' not an 'I'.
Second thoughts, he might just be a moron.