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I once had a job cleaning in a glitter factory It was pretty rubbish. |
 
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My wife come running into me the other day screaming at the top of her head. "Adam said he's been molested and won't tell anyone how or who did it!" Safe to say, Adam looks like he'll be getting the PS3 he wanted. |
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| After Stewart Downing's inclusion in the England squad, I think they should name a street in his honour, where all people who are shit at their jobs and got selected when no-one wants them should live. Hang on... |
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I went to the psychiatrist I said, "I can hear voices." "I see," He replied, "How many?" "Just the two at the moment." I replied. "And can I ask how often you hear these voices?" He asked. "Whenever you or I speak." I replied. |
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Researchers find caveman pornography in France... Appropriately named, 2 Girls, 1 Club... |
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I'm getting pretty nervous about my maths exam. I think I've got a 40:40% chance of passing. |
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I saw a sexy woman sitting in the pub last night. I walked over and said, "Excuse me, I couldn't help but notice how attractive you were. How do you fancy letting me buy you drink?" "Errrr...Hello!" said her husband, sitting on the seat opposite, "Am I invisible?" "Fuck off pal" I said, "You can buy your own." |
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| Congratulations Stewart Downing on winning a free holiday for 4 weeks to Poland and Ukraine courtesy of the FA. |
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Pep Guardiola has been linked with the vacant Liverpool managers job. Well, he did say he needs a break from football. |
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Every Sunday morning I go out and do two hours of bell ringing. All my friends take the mickey out of me for having such a strange hobby, but I find it very therapeutic. It seems to piss off the bus driver a bit though. |
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