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Somebody called me 'pretentious' the other day. I nearly choked on my latte. |
 
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When I was a toddler, my parents would always say, "Excuse my French" just after a swear word. I'll never forget the first day at school when my teacher asked if any of us knew any French. |
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Teacher: Johnny, give me a sentence starting with ' I. ' Johnny: I is.. Teacher: No, that's not correct Johnny. You should always say, 'I am.' Johnny: Okay, 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.' |
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I overheard a Yank boasting about how everything is so much bigger in the States, so I proceeded to point out a lovely country mansion with beautiful grounds and asked his opinion on it. "Man, we've got places like that all over the states and each one of them is at least 10 times bigger than that." "I'm not surprised" says I, "That there's a lunatic asylum." |
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I wish the Africans would stop going on about walking umpteen miles from their homes to get fresh water. They live in mud huts, it's not like they've got a mortgage. |
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| I got chucked out of Waterstones for putting 'signed by author' stickers on the Bible. |
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I don't know what people like so much about Pot Noodles. They're too dry and crunchy. |
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I found a Land Rover buried in one of my fields. It was a nice Discovery. |
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My girlfriend wants me to pay for her to have breast implants. I told the bitch to wait until her real ones have started growing first. |
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I had to throw a dyslexic out of my restaurant last night. Dirty fucker was spitting in the tips jar. |
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Joke
by Benny Lin in Illness and mortality - Dyslexia - Added: 4 years, 5 months ago - Current Score: 98.4
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