Dad's Jokes

I got fired because I lied on my CV with my new employer.

I really didn't think they'd actually measure my penis.
A Jewish mother walks her son to school on his first day in kindergarten.

"Behave, my Bubelah" she says to him.

"Take good care of yourself, my Tataleh".

"Come right back home on the bus, Sheyneleh. Your Mommy loves you a lot, my Ketsaleh."

At the end of the school day the bus comes and she runs to her son and hugs him.

"So what did, my Pupelah, learn?"

The boy answers, "I learned my name is Marvin!!"
Me and my wife were doing 69. I was on top, her at the bottom. I couldn't hold it in anymore. I was going to say something, but it was too late. I just let loose all over her face.

Now I'm divorced because of my diarrhoea.