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I sat there with a smile on my face as my girlfriend wrapped her hand around it and started to tug at it. An even bigger smile when she gave it a little wiggle and started moving it around. I couldn't contain myself when she started using two hands, so I eventually laughed out: "Here, love, I'll change gear for you." |
 
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After I finally dragged Adele away from the buffet and into the car, she kept screaming at me the whole way home. "We could have had it AAAAAALL ... " |
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The BNP have commissioned me to make a children's propaganda film, and I think I've found the perfect idea: Lady and the Tram. |
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I hate driving a BMW during the school holidays. This morning I was sat at a junction for 10 minutes! It was only then that a car finally appeared so I could pull out on it and continue my journey to work. |
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After 8 years of working hard for the same company, I'm now on more money and I work less hours! Or, "claiming benefits" as some people call it. |
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I was telling my fiance about the guys at work - how they're always putting me down saying timing just isn't my strong suit. "If you could just recite your vows, please" interrupted the vicar. |
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So, today Wikipedia is blocking access to free information in protest against the blocking of access to free information? God bless America. |
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Joke
by Guitar-Mike in Racism - American (+ 1 more) - Added: 1 year, 4 months ago - Current Score: 17.8
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I see you can now get a £100 on-the-spot fine if you're caught undertaking. That's the end of my funeral business. |
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I was bedding this scouse girl last night and she got really mad when I called her a slag, she told me to leave .. and to take my friends with me. |
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Joke
by Guitar-Mike in Sex and shit - Whore (+ 1 more) - Added: 2 years, 5 months ago - Current Score: 14.8
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I bet my wife years ago that if R.E.M ever split up, I'd go and stand facing the wall. Well, that's me in the corner. |
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