Monkey Man Arsewipe's Jokes

For want of conversation at the Christmas dinner table earlier I said, "I hear the water levels in Devon have been pretty substantial."

"Parsnips?" my mum interjected.

"Well I don't know if it's gone chest high, Mother, but it's pretty deep."
Was in the library earlier, after a while I went up to the librarian and said, "I'm looking for a book on an Austrian composer of chamber music, but can't see one anywhere."

He said, "Is it Haydn?"

I nodded, "Fucking must be, because I can't find it."