Monkey Man Arsewipe's Jokes
For want of conversation at the Christmas dinner table earlier I said, "I hear the water levels in Devon have been pretty substantial."
"Parsnips?" my mum interjected.
"Well I don't know if it's gone chest high, Mother, but it's pretty deep."
I told my mate, "Not sure how they found out but I overheard the girls in the office suitably impressed by the size of my manhood, as I walked past."
"Why, what did they say?" He asked.
"What a cock!" I said proudly.
Was in the library earlier, after a while I went up to the librarian and said, "I'm looking for a book on an Austrian composer of chamber music, but can't see one anywhere."
He said, "Is it Haydn?"
I nodded, "Fucking must be, because I can't find it."
My nephew said to me, "Uncle, what does a cunt look like?"
As luck would have it, a bloke with a goatee beard and brightly coloured waistcoat was passing by.
Tried phoning marriage guidance earlier but had trouble making myself heard. Person at the other end of the line said, "You're breaking up."
Suppose I better tell the wife the bad news.