Monkey Man Arsewipe's Jokes
For want of conversation at the Christmas dinner table earlier I said, "I hear the water levels in Devon have been pretty substantial."
"Parsnips?" my mum interjected.
"Well I don't know if it's gone chest high, Mother, but it's pretty deep."
My nephew said to me, "Uncle, what does a cunt look like?"
As luck would have it, a bloke with a goatee beard and brightly coloured waistcoat was passing by.
I told my mate, "I had this weird dream last night about a dragon flying an old WW2 plane."
He said, "Spitfire?"
"Well of course it did mate. It's a fucking dragon."
I said to my mate, "Chavez has died. His funeral's next Friday."
"Can't mate. Its too far away."
Met my mate in the pub earlier.
He said, "Hey! I took up your suggestion. What do you think?"
I replied, "Nice arse mate but when I said you should cut the bottom off your jeans, I meant ..."