Monkey Man Arsewipe's Jokes
For want of conversation at the Christmas dinner table earlier I said, "I hear the water levels in Devon have been pretty substantial."
"Parsnips?" my mum interjected.
"Well I don't know if it's gone chest high, Mother, but it's pretty deep."
Was in the library earlier, after a while I went up to the librarian and said, "I'm looking for a book on an Austrian composer of chamber music, but can't see one anywhere."
He said, "Is it Haydn?"
I nodded, "Fucking must be, because I can't find it."
I told my mate, "Not sure how they found out but I overheard the girls in the office suitably impressed by the size of my manhood, as I walked past."
"Why, what did they say?" He asked.
"What a cock!" I said proudly.
My nephew said to me, "Uncle, what does a cunt look like?"
As luck would have it, a bloke with a goatee beard and brightly coloured waistcoat was passing by.
I told my mate, "I had this weird dream last night about a dragon flying an old WW2 plane."
He said, "Spitfire?"
"Well of course it did mate. It's a fucking dragon."