If you burn a Koran, a Muslim may burn your house down.
Jokes on him - my house is full of Korans.
My son came home from school all chuffed about gay marriage being legalised.
"Why are you so happy?" I asked. "Have you even got a boyfriend?"
He scrunched up his face dramatically, then replied, "It's the principle."
"Really?" I said. "Well, at least it's not the priest again."
I was text-cheating on my wife and accidentally sent one of the messages to her.
Took me some explaining on how I couldn't wait to suck her cock.
After our daughter was diagnosed with cancer, my wife decided to redecorate her bedroom all pink to cheer her up.
It's going to make my new gym look pretty gay.
I was talking to my Grandfather at my 30th birthday party, ''Wow, 30 years, you know what I haven't had in about 30 years?'' he asks.
''A hard penis.'' I said, sending my friends into laughter.
''No!'' he replied, winking, ''A baby sucking my cock!''