Rocket11's Jokes

My five-year-old son said he wanted a tree house in the back garden.

Twenty years growing a tree and now the cunt doesn't want it anymore.
Out of work I decided to call round to my gran's out of boredom, "So son, how did your exams go?" she asks.

Presuming she'd gone senile, I replied, laughing, "Granny, I left school ten years ago."

"I know," She said, "I just like reminding you how useless you are!"
My wife kept complaining about how cold it was in bed.

I said, "It could be worse, you could be sleeping in the street."

Then I closed the shed door and walked back into house.
As the flames engulfed my kitchen, trapping my wife, I immediately ran for the fire extinguisher.

They say leave your possessions, but I love that fucking thing.