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I was in a supermarket today and I genuinely heard this over the tannoy: "Will Miss McCann please report to the lost property desk". I nearly had a stroke. |
 
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Joke
by crueloneliner in In The News - Missing Persons - Added: 3 years, 7 months ago - Current Score: 819.6
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Two men were in a pub.
Man 1 - I haven't seen you here before. Man 2 - I just got back from Afghanistan. Man 1 - Wow, how was it. Man 2 - Well, on my first day our base was attacked by rocket fire and shrapnel got lodged in my best friends spine, so I used my field medical training to isolate the wound and carefully remove the shrapnel without any nerve damage. He recovered after about 5 months. Then two days later, we were sent into the red zo [...] |
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| Apparently, if you put your location as Newcastle on facebook, you get a 'like' button after every word. |
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What is long, black and dangerous to cut into? The queue at KFC. |
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My girlfriend pulled an epic April Fool's prank today. First she pretended she didn't want sex. Then she claimed I was raping her. Then she pretended to choke on my cock. Then she pretended to die. She's at the crematorium now. I like her commitment but, come on love, it's after 12. |
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I think people who have sex with children should be shot. Preferably on a high definition camera. |
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What's orange and sounds like a parrot? Half of Essex |
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Just seen this on BBC News... 'Couple jailed for promoting illegal child boxing matches' I thought to myself, thats absolutely disgusting.....don't they know the first two rules of fight club? |
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Joke
submitted by crueloneliner, originally by lloyd horslen in In The News - Headlines (+ 1 more) - Added: 3 years, 4 months ago - Current Score: 433.4
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The other day my son walked into my room and found me naked. He said, 'why is your willy getting bigger, then smaller?' I laughed and said, 'Son, it is the same size. It's just going in and out of your sister.' |
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Joke
by crueloneliner in Sex and shit - Incest - Added: 3 years, 6 months ago - Current Score: 430.2
| Come on Emma Watson, you're 18 now. Lets see that tape. |
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Joke
by crueloneliner in Celebrities - Emma Watson - Added: 3 years, 8 months ago - Current Score: 403.8
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