Apparently, I suffer from xenophobia...
I bet I caught it off some fucking foreigner.
So Kate Middleton is pregnant..
I thought that it was government policy to discourage people who don't work from having kids.
Apparently when you spend £5 on a coffee in Costa you get a free mug.
Just stop by the nearest mirror to see it.
IKEA meatballs contain horse DNA...
There's a joke in there somewhere, you'll have to assemble it yourselves.
I went to see Twilight last night, but it was ruined by some annoying girl talking the whole way through.
Kristen Stewart I think her name was.