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They reckon you can't judge a book by it's cover. I can. Anything with a picture of a rose and a glass of wine on it is gonna be shit. |
 
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Joke
by pompeyretard in Other - Books (+ 1 more) - Added: 3 years, 10 months ago - Current Score: 878.2
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I used to help out during the London marathon. It was boring as fuck but slipping a viagra into a lucozade at the 18 mile drink station was one of the perks. Especially to a bloke wearing the smallest, tightest shorts. |
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Joke
by pompeyretard in Illness and mortality - Erectile Dysfunction (+ 1 more) - Added: 3 years, 5 months ago - Current Score: 113.8
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I was watching an advert for channel 4's cutting edge about a schoolboy that attempts to sail round the world. One of the captions during the advert said, "does he make it?" Cue the title, "Cutting Edge - The schoolboy who sailed the world." I presume he did then.. |
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"Database Latency Too high". What is latency anyway? Why don't they just put - "Database currently has too many fuckwits copying and pasting someone else's joke onto their own facebook status, pretending that they made it up so their "friends" think they're really funny". Works for me. |
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Joke
by pompeyretard in Other - Communication (+ 1 more) - Added: 3 years, 10 months ago - Current Score: 58.2
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Dear BBC, When showing two fit birds playing tennis at Wimbledon can you not fucking zoom in on some fat sweaty bastard in the crowd wearing a "comedy" union jack hat as it makes it difficult for me to maintain a lob-on whilst knocking one out. Many thanks. |
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Lorry drivers take note: Turning on your indicator does not give you an automatic right to change lanes on a dual carriageway. Why don't you do what the rest of us do and check to see IF THE LANE IS FUCKING CLEAR first. On the plus side it was about time I changed cars. |
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I used to work at the world trade centre and would always use the milk out of the finance department's fridge.
Before I went on leave I topped up the milk container with water out of the tap for a laugh. What gets me is, everyone goes on about the terrorists did this, the terrorists did that, blah, blah, blah, but nobody ever mentions how they completely fucked up my prank. It would have been hilarious when Audrey went to have her lunchtime glass of milk [...] |
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When I walk past a building that has one way mirrored windows, I stop, pretend to stare in as if I'm transfixed, and then point randomly. It amuses me to think someone's working in there thinking, "shit, have they been able to see in here all this time?" |
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After getting beat in the Ryder Cup, America have taken it badly and seek revenge by declaring war. Unfortunately for them, they're still trying to find out where the country "Europe" is located. |
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True story. A mate of mine was talking about driving to his bird's house at the weekend. He said, "it's about 80 miles to her house, but if I put my foot down, I can do it in 60." He still doesn't know why I pissed myself. Stupid cunt. |
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