sick puppy's Jokes

This guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender to get him a beer.
The bartender asks, "Which one?"
The guy says, "Any one, as long as its not Carling."
The bartender then asks, "What's wrong with Carling?"
So the guy says, "Nothing, its just the last time I drank Carling I went home and blew chunks!"
So the bartender says, "That's what happens when you have too much beer"

So the guy says, "No, you don't understand. My dog's name is Chunks."
The Parrot

A woman goes into a pet shop looking for a parrot. The assistant shows her a beautiful African Grey parrot.

"What about this one, Madam? A beautiful bird, and it's an absolute steal at only £20."

"Why is it so cheap?" the woman asks.

"Well", replies the assistant, "It used to live in a brothel and as a result its language is a touch fruity".

"Oh, I don't mind that", said the woman, making her mind up,

"I'm broad minded and it'll be a laugh having a profane parrot". So saying she buys the parrot and takes him home.

Once safely in his new home, the parrot looks around and squawks at the woman. "Fuck me, a new brothel and a new madam".

"I'm not a madam and this is not a brothel," scolds the woman trying not to laugh.

A little later the woman's two teenage daughters arrive home.

"Un fucking-believable. A new brothel, a new madam, and now two new prostitutes," says the parrot when he sees the daughters.

"Mum, tell your parrot to shut up, we're not prostitutes" complain the girls but they all see the funny side and have a laugh at their new pet.

A short while later, the woman's husband, Dave, comes home.

"In-fucking-credible, a new brothel, a new madam, new prostitutes, but the same old clients.... How ya doin', Dave?"