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This girl came up to me today and said she recognised me from vegetarian club. I was confused, I'd never met herbivore. |
 
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Joke
by simonlomas in Other - Wordplay (+ 1 more) - Added: 2 years, 7 months ago - Current Score: 695.2
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Last night I settled down to eat some Ben & Jerry's with a DVD. I couldn't be arsed to wash a spoon. |
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Joke
by simonlomas in Other - Wordplay (+ 1 more) - Added: 2 years, 5 months ago - Current Score: 638.6
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I needed some milk this morning, so I went round to my neighbours and asked them through the letter box. "We're all out," they replied. "Fuck off," I said. "I can hear you in there." |
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Joke
by simonlomas in Other - Wordplay (+ 1 more) - Added: 2 years, 4 months ago - Current Score: 526.2
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I was reading through the ingredients for a fruit salad I'm making today and it said: "Pineapples: five cubed." I'm not sure though, 125 will probably be too many. |
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Joke
by simonlomas in Other - Wordplay (+ 1 more) - Added: 2 years, 2 months ago - Current Score: 447.4
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I bought some biscuits yesterday, on the packet it said, "Store in a cool place." So I mailed them to Samuel L. Jackson's house. |
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It's cruel that people make fun of the way Stephen Hawking talks. I use one of those voice boxes myself and can synthesize with him. |
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Joke
by simonlomas in Other - Wordplay (+ 1 more) - Added: 2 years, 4 months ago - Current Score: 416
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I work in McDonald's and a customer was rude to me today, so I got him back by not putting any Coke in his drink. Just ice was served. |
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| If I had a pound for every time someone told me that I don't understand common sayings then I would have quite a few stone. |
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Joke
by simonlomas in Other - Wordplay (+ 1 more) - Added: 2 years, 7 months ago - Current Score: 356.6
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I saw some tightrope walkers the other day. What a weird flavour for a packet of crisps. |
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Joke
by simonlomas in Other - Wordplay (+ 2 more) - Added: 2 years, 4 months ago - Current Score: 347.6
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I was taking down some lecture notes this morning when I thought: "I really must try harder with my Christmas decorations next year." |
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Joke
by simonlomas in Other - Wordplay (+ 1 more) - Added: 2 years, 4 months ago - Current Score: 332
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