This girl came up to me today and said she recognised me from vegetarian club.
I was confused, I'd never met herbivore.
Last night I settled down to eat some Ben & Jerry's with a DVD.
I couldn't be arsed to wash a spoon.
I needed some milk this morning, so I went round to my neighbours and asked them through the letter box.
"We're all out," they replied.
"Fuck off," I said. "I can hear you in there."
I was reading through the ingredients for a fruit salad I'm making today and it said:
"Pineapples: five cubed."
I'm not sure though, 125 will probably be too many.
I bought some biscuits yesterday, on the packet it said, "Store in a cool place."
So I mailed them to Samuel L. Jackson's house.