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BP has released a statement saying most Gulf residents aren't upset with BP because their cleanup crews have boosted the local economy. That's like al Qaeda taking credit for creating jobs in airport security |
 
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I recently saved a ton of money on my car insurance. By fleeing the scene of the accident. |
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Scientists in Southampton claim to have created a wonder drug for period pain. Personally, I use earplugs. |
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I've never bothered with Strictly Come Dancing, but I tuned in for the first time at the weekend and was struck by a thought the producers might want to consider. What about doing a celebrity version? |
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A 22-STONE woman has lost 12 stone after being told she was too fat to start a new life in Canada. Wouldn't it have been a lot easier to put on 12 stone and start a new life in America? |
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Locals are said to be in a state of shock after Police found a stash of guns behind the library in Glasgow yesterday. A spokesman said, "The people of Glasgow had no idea they had a library." |
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A 90-year-old man was caught doing 8mph in his mobility scooter on the inside lane of the M1 His life was in serious danger - particularly on the three occasions he pulled into the middle lane to overtake women drivers. |
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The Catholic Church are against gay sex because it's unnatural. Yeah, and walking on fucking water isn't? |
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I know it's depressing when you look at your payslip and you see how much tax you are paying, but just remember, you're paying for roads, bridges, hospitals, and an army to keep the nation free. Unfortunately that nation is Afghanistan. |
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I think Jesus might have been Scottish. Come on he went out on a Friday, got hammered and never rose til Sunday morning. |
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