walkindude's Jokes

I finally tracked down the man who raped my mother, and I gave him exactly what he deserved:


Twenty eight years' worth of Father's Day presents.
Yesterday, I told my wife: "You know you were walking in your sleep again, right?"

She looked at me, totally shocked and surprised.

Then I started laughing and told her I was just kidding.

I don't think she appreciated that joke, by the angry way she was tapping on her wheelchair.
My young nephew asked me how babies are made, and I had no idea how to approach it. So I looked online for help and I found this awesome video that explains it all.

And I told him at the end of the video: "It's basically just like that, only that the white stuff on the nice lady's face should go right between her legs."
"Doctor, I had a dream I was fucking a man. Does it make me gay?"
"Dreams can mean many things," my psychiatrist said. "You will have to be more specific."
"Well, we were in a hotel room with hideous looking green wallpaper..."
"Yes, it makes you gay," he quickly interrupted.