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Lisa has 750 friends on Facebook. A week later she adds 150 more to her friends list. What does she have? Huge tits. |
 
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I always carry a picture of my wife and kids in my wallet. It reminds me of why there is no fucking money in there. |
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Angelina Jolie said, "I lost my mum to cancer, my kids won't." That's because 'your' kids lost their mums to you. |
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After being raped by a big black man, I asked my neighbour how she was. "Don't worry about me," she said, "let's get you to hospital." |
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Pregnant Kim Kardashian is moaning in a magazine, "Nothing looks good on me" I disagree. A grand piano dropped from a considerable height would. |
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One Direction. The band The Beatles could've been. If The Beatles had been a bunch of talentless faggots. |
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If your phone gets wet, leave it overnight in a bag of rice. It'll attract an Asian, who will fix it because they're good with electronics |
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Joke
submitted by broken-english, originally by The Fat Jew in Other - Advice (+ 1 more) - Added: 1 day ago - Current Score: 213
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Genies are tricky little fuckers and will always try to twist what you wish for. For example, last night I wished that my flat-chested wife could have tits like Angelina Jolie. |
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My wife accused me of ruining her birthday yesterday. "Bollocks!" I said. "I didn't even know it was your birthday." |
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The electricity company called me and said, "The meter readings you provided us with seem to be suspiciously low." I said, "Yeah, I've never read the meter. I have a system where I just decide beforehand how much I feel like paying, then work out the figures to suit." "Sir, you can't do that!" they said. I replied, "Well, it's a system that seems to work all right for you cunts." |
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