Hottest This Month
I have an EpiPen. My friend gave it to me while he was dying. It seemed really important to him that I have it.
When I die, I want my remains scattered in Disneyland.
Also, I don't want to be cremated.
Waterboarding at Guantanamo Bay sounds super fun if you don't know what either of those things are.
For the past twenty years, I've received a Valentine's card from the same secret admirer. So, I was pretty upset when I didn't get one this year.
First my granny dies, now this?
I saw a UFO yesterday.
So I quickly grabbed the worst camera I own to film it with.
Really Google Autocomplete? You
honestly think I want to search for
I was at a job interview today.
The interviewer said to me, "On your CV, it says that you are a man of mystery."
I said, "That's correct."
He said, "Would you like to elaborate?"
I said, "No."
I'll never forget what my Grandfather said to me just before he died.
"Are you still holding the fucking ladder?".
If we manage to convince the Chinese that Jihadists' testicles are aphrodisiacs, within ten years they'll have disappeared...
Judas: Still on for Friday?
Judas: Yeah, the Last Supper.
Jesus: The what?
Judas: Supper. Normal supper with the fellas.