Hottest This Month
Remember how white people rioted after OJ Simpson's acquittal?
If you don't have a TV licence, you could get sent to prison.....Where you can watch TV all day, without needing a licence.
Yesterday I saw a dishevelled old hairy tramp recycling putrefied rubbish, swearing at strangers and begging for money after his family spent all his on heroin.
I just thought; No, Bob Geldof, I'm not buying your shite record this time.
As he inserted the rectal thermometer, I got a painfully hard and obvious erection.
"Maybe you should wait outside whilst I examine your dog," said the vet.
A human fart can be louder than a trombone.
I discovered that at my daughter's school concert.
I wanted to participate in Black Friday... but I'm white, so I was at work!
I phoned my wife earlier. "I'm just setting off from work, do you want me to pick up fish and chips on my way home?"
It was met with a stony silence. I think she still regrets letting me name the twins.
Every major supermarket in Britain now has a Polish section.
It's usually called a Staff Room.
My girlfriend says she enjoys sex more whilst on holiday.
Well I can tell you, that was an awkward postcard to receive.
I was in a job interview today when the manager handed me his laptop and said, "I want you to try and sell this to me."
So I put it under my arm, walked out of the building and went home.
Eventually he called my mobile and said, "Bring it back here right now!"
I said, "£100 and it's yours."