Hottest This Month
My girlfriend broke up with me after finding out what my mates used to call me in primary school.
The inventor of predictive text has died.
His funfair will be hello on Sundial.
'Time is a construct of man, a means of adding value and structure to a chaotic universe, it serves no real purpose, it's endless and infinite, unfathomable and subjective'
'You're still fucking late' replied my boss.
Adam and Eve: The first people to not read the Apple terms and conditions.
A wife is like a hand grenade.
Remove the ring, and your house is gone.
Recent study shows that masturbating twice weekly increases life expectancy by 20%.
I've done the maths. I am immortal.
According to serving suggestions, I'm a family of four.
Cheryl Fernandez-Versini has complained to the media that people will always know her as Cheryl Cole, the former wife of a premiership footballer.
That's unfair, because I'll always know her as Cheryl Tweedy, the belligerent slapper convicted of assaulting a toilet cleaner in a Surrey nightclub.
Yesterday I saw a dishevelled old hairy tramp recycling putrefied rubbish, swearing at strangers and begging for money after his family spent all his on heroin.
I just thought; No, Bob Geldof, I'm not buying your shite record this time.
So Kim Kardashian's arse is huge and has a lot of oil
I wonder if America will invade it?
Oh wait, my bad, half of America already has.