Hottest This Week
Yesterday I saw a dishevelled old hairy tramp recycling putrefied rubbish, swearing at strangers and begging for money after his family spent all his on heroin.
I just thought; No, Bob Geldof, I'm not buying your shite record this time.
I tried to download the new Band-Aid song to raise money for victims of the ebola outbreak,
but my anti-virus software wouldn't let me.
The UK's first bus powered by human waste has been involved in a 'near miss' in Bristol earlier today.
Accident investigators are examining a huge skid mark left on a bend.
I was reading about this 3 year old kid in China who weighs nearly 9 stone.
His parents say he's so fat he can hardly walk to work in the morning.
I was starting my new job at the chemist this morning when some bloke walked in.
"I've got a blocked nose, a sore throat and my head feels like it's going to explode." he said, "Have you got anything?"
I said, "No mate, I feel fine."
Look I'm not saying Kim Kardashian's ass is big.
But I'm the artist that airbrushed her pictures, and I didn't know Photoshop could run out of paint.
A wise Chinese man once said,
"If a dog barks it's undercooked"
Whenever my wife goes to the supermarket I always tell her to park in the disabled space.
After watching her spend 20 minutes trying to reverse into it, nobody is going to question her.
Looking at the pictures of Kim Kardashian's arse, I couldn't help but feel sorry for Kanye.
The amount of time he must spend ploughing that, the poor sod must think he's back on a plantation.
So feminists are saying Dr Matt Taylor deserved it for what he was wearing?
Where have we heard that before?