Hottest This Week
Me and a few friends have just invented the Oscar Pistorius drinking game whilst watching the trial.
Anytime someone goes to the toilet, you have four quick shots.
So it's twenty five years since the Hillsborough disaster.
It seems like only yesterday when I heard about it. And the day before, and the day before that, and the day before that......
I was impressed by the minute's silence in Liverpool earlier for the Hillsborough victims.
I was certain they couldn't go that long without mentioning it.
What's the best thing for getting chewing gum out of your hair?
One hundred and two years ago today, RMS Titanic sunk on it's maiden voyage with the loss of over one thousand souls, yet there's been fuck all in the papers about it.
Thank fuck tickets were too pricey for Scousers or we'd never hear the end of it.
During his trial, Oscar Pistorius has appeared somewhat unstable.
But a couple of beer mats have done the trick.
My colleague can no longer attend next weeks Innuendo Seminar so I have to fill her slot instead.
'David Cameron stung by jellyfish'
"I felt the slimy spineless creature come into contact with me before feeling a sickening pain" said the jellyfish.
I pulled my cock out of this fat girl's arse, then she turned over, spread her legs revealing her sweaty, hairy minge, and said, "Are you going to eat that?"
"Your pussy?" I asked, disgusted.
"No, that," she replied, pointing at the sweetcorn on my knob.
BANG BANG BANG BANG... "Oscar."