Hottest This Week

"You can't park there, it's a disabled space," shouted the car park attendant.

"There are eleven empty spaces - it's not as if eleven disabled people are all going to turn up at once, is it?" I replied.

At which point the Aston Villa team bus pulled up to disprove my theory.
I made my fortune selling HIV testing kits to Africa.

To be honest, they're really just lollipop sticks with 'Yes' written on the side.
Well done Turkey on shooting down a Russian warplane.

Now proceed to level two where you have to destroy fifty Russian warplanes and fight off an invading ground force.
I can't believe how shallow women on dating sites can be.

I'd been chatting to this girl for a while and we were getting on ok, but then she turned round and said she wasn't interested, JUST because of the type of car I live in.
Following the attacks in Paris last week, no matter what you think about Mancunians, you've got to give respect to the Manchester City fans who observed a 90 minute silence in their game against Liverpool.
In light of recent events in Syria concerning the Turks and Russians. I think we should prepare for the inevitable.

A movie about the Americans saving the world.
A man on his deathbed requested his wife, 3 sons, his nurse and a camera to be set up to record his final moments. Which were as follows...

"To my son, David, I leave the 2 blocks of flats in the East End of London. To my other son, Michael, I leave the 4 penthouses in Chelsea, and finally to my eldest son, Kevin, I leave the big glass building near Tower Bridge."

With that he slipped away. The nurse turned to the wife and said, "I never realised your husband was so wealthy. You and your sons are very lucky."

His wife swiftly replied, "Was he bollocks! He was a fucking window cleaner!"