Hottest This Week

I phoned my wife earlier. "I'm just setting off from work, do you want me to pick up fish and chips on my way home?"

It was met with a stony silence. I think she still regrets letting me name the twins.
A man in Brussels walks into a library and asks for a book about UKIP.

The librarian says, "Get the fuck out."

The man replies, "That's the one."
If you don't have a TV licence, you could get sent to prison.....Where you can watch TV all day, without needing a licence.
I was telling my colleague at work that since my wife died I've lost so much weight.

"Missing the home cooking?" he sympathised.

"No," I replied. "I just skip everywhere."